my so called life

No Ordinary Love

2006-06-01T04:22:00.000-05:00

*** (taken from my friendster blog)***

I didn't know that a certain song could bring such a rush of emotion in a person. Not until this morning, when this song was played in my car radio. 'twas like an encounter with a ghost i was trying to avoid. i was again reminded of those nice days with that someone who came in so suddenly and left unexpectedly. He sent this song to me once. We both liked it, and i always associated this song with him. And when the song ended, i was left with a hundred different emotions i couldn't define.

No Ordinary Love
~Sade

I gave you all the love I got
I gave you more than I could give
I gave you love
I gave you all that I have inside
And you took my love
You took my love

Didn't I tell you
What I believe
Did somebody say that
A love like that won't last
Didn't I give you
All that I've got to give baby

I keep crying
I keep crying for you
There's nothing like you and I baby

This is no ordinary love
No ordinary love
This is no ordinary love
No ordinary love

When you came my way
You brightened every day
With your sweet smile

I'm back!

2006-05-22T01:54:00.000-05:00

I'm glad to say i'm back here!!!!

I don't have something in particular to write, but i just thought it'd be nice to post something here after a looong absence.

Gosh, i missed you all guys! Thanks so much for still dropping by here. And thanks for the kind words, i really appreciate it. I love you all!!!

last post

2006-04-03T19:50:00.000-05:00

i haven't been around for quite a while and now that i'm here, i'd be saying goodbye.

i'd been through a lot of emotional upheavals lately: family, career, relationship issues...life. and even though writing serves as an outlet and escape for me, i think silence is the best thing i needed right now.

to the people i've known through this blog; for the beautiful strangers who served as inspiration, confidantes and friends for me when when no one was there... many, many thanks. you all touched my life in more ways than one. i'll see you again one day.

untitled.. can't think of one

2006-03-02T05:51:00.000-06:00

first: i suck on giving titles.
second: this post is just another random accounts from what happened in my life for the past days/weeks (hence the title my so called life, ayt?)

okay, so here's the update....

1. Austin

I promised myself i would write a good post about our visit in Austin (2nd week of feb.), but it's been too long and my enthusiasm is gone.

Nevertheless, i think it's just fair to say that i was struck by the beauty of the place. There is something poetic about Austin. Maybe it's the rocks... or the trees... or the hills. Or maybe there was just something in the air when we went there, and we got caught up with its spell.

But still.... I remain in love, and loyal to Houston.

*Yes, some may find this city as less enticing, less lively than the others. they have their reasons, and i know what they mean. but this has been my home for two years. i created new memories here. i've done things i've never done before. made some very good friends, and met people who touched my life and changed me in one way or another. *

Our visit there was a combination of fun and adventure. (and weirdness) First, we accidentally met my friend's ex... of all places! (sorry, Yela, i-kwento ba kita? he he) Then, we got hit on at the bar by some guys who were looking for random hook-ups... they were vulgar, and a bit more forward, and just one letter short of pervert. oh, and they were pilots too.

And when we finally got to our hotel room, our neighbors didn't give us the much needed goodnight sleep. 5 minutes after closing the door, sombody was knocking... imagine, at 3:00 o'clock in the morning!! And it was just our next-door neighbors... they seem drunk (too drunk, i think), and said they wanted to meet us. Of course, we didn't open the door. They continued to knock and even called our room. We promised to meet them at a more decent hour, and they stopped. First thing in the morning... we packed and left.

And then... at the flea market... we got to talk to a man (probably on his mid-40s or 50s) who has very deep insights about life and love. He is a craftsman... an artist who makes and sells his own stuff (earrings, necklaces, etc.) at that street near the university belt. And we were captivated by this man who has nothing much to brag about his education, but so much to tell about life... weird. Ironic, but he has so much depth than those educated jerks we met at the bar.

2. Got busy @ work last week: skills fair, competencies, 3 straight nights.... etc.

3. Dos: Me, & dais, and Weng celebrated our 2nd year here in the US. Dais & I gave each other a treat. (weng's already married and no longer lives near us) She took me out for lunch at joe's crab, and i took her out for breakfast @ Godo's. Turned out she paid more... ha ha!

5. Last night, i was close to being drunk. It was my friend, J's b-day, so there was good food, lotsa drinks (what'd u expect, it's jb!), and the ever favorite magic mic. Honestly, i don't drink... no, i drink occasionally, but most of the time to appease my friends. It actually just took one bottle of smirnoff and 2 shots of Sake for me to feel dizzy... much to my friends' amusement/disappointment. i didn't do anything silly though... just laughed and laughed and laughed more...and sang out of tune... it was fun. i wanted to stay longer, but didn't like that feeling of being dizzy, so i decided to go home at 1am. yeah, i'm such a kj... and to my friend, J and the others... i'll make it up next time guys. bawi na lang ako...

6. and life gets weirder and weirder... i'm doing things i've never done before... and i barely know where i am heading. *sorry, i can't tell more than that. too personal, i'm afraid.*

thank God for strangers

2006-02-26T05:25:00.000-06:00

i've been too lazy to post here. (i'm sorry, my dear blog!)

well, laziness is not the only thing to blame. i've been blogging at friendster for the past 2/3 weeks (thus explaining my absence here). but there's no need to worry now...i've returned home.

i thought blogging there would draw me even closer to the people i personally know (real-life friends, relatives, co-workers, etc.). that somehow, they could catch up with the real ME... that side of me that you'd just get to know when we've get the chance to talk... really talk. Talks about love, hope, and finding life's deeper and more meaningful. talks about rainbows and butterflies and sunsets and shadows. Not just talk about what to do today or when's the next gimmick, or where to go tomorrow or what to wear to a party, or who's hooking up with whom.

I was wrong.... not a very good idea. (hey, before y'all make some conclusion, i didn't make enemies by blogging there...NOPE, ha ha! :-)

i only got some irritated friends telling me that their e-mails are being flooded by friendster messages informing them that i updated my blog... for the nth time. this is because i'm having a hard time playing with 'friendsters' templates & stuff. i think it's sooo not very idiot-friendly, so i always end up editing my entries, not only once, but ... well, i dunno, 5-6 times? :-) So. imagine my friends being pissed off about those messages... and they don't even read my blog! I could definitely relate ... :) my poor, poor friends. .. i know they wanna strangle me. :)

So, i'm back here!!! (well, i still plan to post there from time to time... kulit ko, 'noh! he he)

... and when i saw the tags, and the comments, and the people i got acquainted with... i couldn't help but be touched.

Truly, there is a certain feeling of peace and comfort in walking with strangers.

Curls!

2006-02-10T10:31:00.000-06:00

I've had my hair curled!

...... and i'm lovin' it!

luck

2006-02-08T04:53:00.000-06:00

the last few days were not my luckiest.

1.thursday: I've got a flat tire!!!

On my way to work, my tire blew up. though i didn't panic, i also didn't know what to do. i did not pull over or stop. i also don't know how to change tires, and i was running late for work. (tsk, tsk). moreover, i didn't like the idea of waiting for some road assistance for hours while some babies are also waiting to be taken cared for in the hosp. i thought that if i'd be late for 2 or 3 hours at work, it'd take a while for me to catch up, and i'd surely have a terrible night. i noticed i was almost 8 or 9 blocks away from the parking lot, so i just slowed down and headed there even if i was running with a flat tire (my bad). good thing i was able to make it to the parking lot, with my car still intact.

I wasn't late, but i still had a terrible night at work... assignment was kinda heavy. 'nuff said.

And because i was so busy that night, i was the last one who clocked out the next morning. my charge and co-workers waited for me in the parking area, but they got tired of waiting, so only ate R, a filpino co-worker was left there when i finally arrived. A security officer helped me change tires. No, He changed my tire. i don't think i was able to help at all.

*Thank you, Mr. Johnny Norwood!!! I really appreciate it*

2. Friday- i was supposed to go to an auto store/mechanic to buy a new tire. (the old tire looks really bad, nobody thinks it can be fixed) But since i was so tired from last night's work, i opted to sleep first for just a few hours. And... i overslept. i woke up at around 4pm. very nice, indeed. my relative offered to accompany me, but i have to meet him at his place (which is like, a 40-min drive, and it was already dark). when we got to the first auto store, they didn't have the same exact tire i have. so, we went to the competitor store. unfortunately, it was already closed. So, i went home, still running with the 'donut' spare tire on my car.

3. Saturday- first thing in the morning, i headed to my dealer's auto services dept. and know what? they also don't have the same exact tire i have. they still have to order it and if i'm lucky, the said tire would be available in 2 days. I went to another auto store, and it was the same thing. I went to the last tire store i know... same thing. but... they told me that one of their branches on the other side of the city has the same exact tire as mine, and it's the last one. i called the store, and asked for directions, even if i'm not pretty confident i could go there. And, i was impressed, coz they told me they could transfer the said tire to where i am, i just have to wait for an hour and a half. i agreed coz i don't really wanna drive on the freeway with my 'donut' spare tire on.

I didn't wait for 1 & 1/2 hour. i just waited for almost 6 hours to get my tire fixed! it took forever for the new tire to be delivered. good heavens! but it was okay. my car was fixed, so i really didn't bother to be angry that time. besides, the frontdesk guy was cute, he he. and i could really see that he's concerned with my car, coz he looks at my direction from time to time. He offered sincere apology for the delay, and even gave me a $30 discount for the tire. it wasn't really that bad.

4. Sunday/monday ('twas almost midnight): I developed a rash!!!! and it was itching as hell!

i thought it's probably an allergy. must be something i ate. but it's weird, coz i didn't have it on my face & body. it was localized on my extremities, so i ruled out food as a cause. i thought of soaps/lotions as the culprit, but i've been using the same old things, and i haven't had a rash since i first used them. not until now.

5. tuesday- still itching. rash hasn't subsided. called in sick @ work.

i went to st. joe's ER (up to this time, i haven't found a family doctor yet), and have the rash checked. one good news. it isn't infectious/contagious, so it's okay for people to be with me. (he he... my friends cannot insult me) but, we cannot determine the probable cause. food is definitely not the culprit coz i should've had it all over my body if it was sumthn i ate. the NP's suspect is a lotion or soap, but we really cannot tell, coz i have been using the same stuffs ever since, and nothing ever happened before. really weird. She gave me a bunch of medicine to take though.

6. Tuesday night- Traffic offense: beating the red light.

my friend D offered to take me to the ER earlier, and after we filled up the prescriptions, we went out to eat. (by the way, she was driving) And, to complete the series of unfortunate events... she went on a red light.... and, luckily, there was a patrol on our side, so the officer followed us, and asked for her license and car insurance.

* Now, it's wednesday, and i hope that my not so lucky days are over. i hope that my rash is gone when i wake up this afternoon too. or that, it wouldn't itch that much anymore. *

*anyway, i just remembered my friends reprimanded me for not pulling over when i've had a flat tire. they told me i might have caused an accident (didn't happen, anyway) if things have gotten worse. i felt bad about it, but what's done is done. at least now, i know what to do. *

ulap....

2006-01-29T09:28:00.000-06:00

when i left work this morning, the first thing i noticed was the fog. i got excited coz 'twas my first time to be out in a thick fog/mist or whatever you'd call it, though i got a little bit scared coz i was drivin', and i couldn't see that much. Man, it was like drivin' in the rain. it was dark, and all i could see were hazy images of cars.

the not so usual scenario stayed in my mind for a while, and i wanted so much to capture the grey sky with a tint of blue. When i arrived home, i immediately got my camera and took pictures ramdomly.

samu't sari

2006-01-23T07:16:00.000-06:00

gosh...do i really have to write a title? what if i can't think of one? Usually, i don't have a single topic in mind. my thoughts are always scattered, and i wanna right about a lot of things in one post. (yeah right, i'm a classic schizo who always have a 'flight of ideas' attack... he he)

Cheers to Manny Pacquiao! we filipinos here are really proud of him. we went to a party the night of his fight, and our hosts just moved in to their new home, (& they still didn't have a cable connection) so we weren't able to watch the game. But some of our friends can't bear to miss the whole fight. They went home and came back later when the game was over, he he. They were calling and texting us from time to time to give update about the game. And we all shouted and cheered when we heard that the pacman won. As in grabeee! lahat ng inumin nailabas. bumaha ng alak, ha ha!

*************************************************************************

just a thought... are men better in memorizing names than women? i just noticed that most women (non-filipinos) from work always mistake me for daisy, and vice versa. Gosh, we've been working at st. joe's for almost two years now, and our female co-workers still call me 'daisy' sometimes, and they call her 'michelle'. Even with our patients, it's always the mothers who are often confused about who's who. Yes, i know there are similarities in our looks, and it's easy to be confused especially if one is not too familiar with a certain race's physical features. i used to think all blondes look the same too, or all blacks have only one mother, coz they look so similar. But that was then. after a while i learned to see the difference.

but i also observed that most men from work do not have the same problems with our female colleagues. I don't even remember our male doctors and RTs calling me by a different name.

They've always called me michelle. weird. is it just a gender thing or what?

***********************************************************************

talking about the male species...

i was so amused with one of our male colleagues last week. he was an RT, works part-time in our hospital, and usually works at daytime. We have the same patients, so we worked together that night, and our kids were just crazy. Gosh, 'twas a busy night for me, and i barely had time to sit coz they always desat and have some a's and b's episode. At the end of the shift, when we were giving report to our relievers, he said in a loud voice. "these babies are really hard assigments, and this nurse over here (while patting my shoulder) have done a terrific job last night. She worked hard but didn't complain, and most of all, she didn't panic when things weren't looking too good. She did everything, blah, blah, blah.... and she reminded me of that one ideal nurse from the morning shift named 'tracy'...." and smiled at the person i am giving report to.

Me and tracy couldn't help but laugh. The man is such a classic male .... he knows how to use flattery ha ha! but that was a good one. Tracy even ended up saying : "Nice job, T".

but i know there is some sincerity in his words. coz earlier that night, when we were working on one of our babies, he thanked me seriously for not panicking and added ' i really appreciate that... more than you know'. i wanted to tell him i was not 'not panicking' as what he thought. honestly, i was... my panic acts are just a bit different from them, he he. like most asians, i just look a bit apathetic and lacking in emotion.

***********************************************************************

And i just remembered that this is the same guy who asked me where i went to college. He was a professor in one of the Universities here, so he probably wanted to know if i came from a reputable school. That time, i was still new, and he was probably being nice and wanted to start a conversation.

guy: "so, where did you go to college?"

me: "oh, you don't know it..." (i wasn't really in the mood to talk)

guy: "aww, c'mon. i might know somebody from your school. just tell me."

me: "...pamantasan ng lungsod ng maynila"

guy: "...????"

me: ... he he

... and of course i ended up telling him my story anyway. that i'm a filipino, and an immigrant... blah, blah, blah. see, that's why i wasn't in the mood to talk. ang daming sasabihin, ang hirap pa mag-ingles, ha ha! and of course i have to face the inevitable questions they always ask: "why did you do it?", "do you like it here?" ...and it always take me a while to answer them. especially the last question, coz i take the answers from my heart. and i don't know if they'd like what they would hear or not.

************************************************************************************

Thanks again to all who visit here regularly, especially for those who leave their comments and tags. You guys are awesome. I really appreciate it... more than you know, he he.

Inna! i can't leave a comment on your tagboard. hindi ko maigalaw ang cursor, bakit ganun?

2006-01-21T14:59:00.000-06:00

busy... but still bored.

missing mic

2006-01-15T21:27:00.000-06:00

laugh trip... ala lang. can't help but laugh when i read my last post. there was an obvious grammatical error on the last paragraph. I noticed i wrote 'shaked hands'... tsk, mic would probably be happy to give me a refresher course on verbs and the tenses. ha ha! i know there are other errors here, but i couldn't care less... 'm feeling lazy right now to be grammatically correct. (sheez! 'm bad... my mom, an english teacher, would be mad.. he he)

this made me miss mic suddenly. i so love this cousin of mine. we get along pretty well. or should i say, we tolerate each other very well? yeah, i think that's the right word. he tolerates my naivete' ... i tolerate his eccentricity. he tolerates my passion for long, serious talkshows... i tolerate his passion for music videos. he tolerates me being mushy and sentimental... i tolerate him being meticulous and 'maarte'. i tell corny jokes, he laughs. he paints, i clap in appreciation. gosh, i didn't realize i'd miss him this much.

i still remember the times when i was still working on my papers to get here. i need to pass a series of english exams, and since he was majoring in communication arts, i was always asking his opinion. The funniest thing i could remember was when i was practicing for the TSE (test of spoken english). i would record my impromptu speeches and the three of us (me, mic & jojo) would criticize them afterwards. And mic... he'd always laugh... especially during my blackout moments, he he. he'd repeat the way i say my 'ahhs' and 'hmms' or sometimes he'd scream (in a funny, gay way) and say: "ateee you don't make sense! ha ha!

i admit i'm not a very articulate person. and sometimes, i make very obvious grammatical errors. 'm not good in idiomatic expressions either. sometimes, i forget the next word in a phrase, like 'the whole nine... mic, ano nga yun?' he he. There was this one time when i was telling a story, and i said: "in fair naman to mark, noh". and mic was like, ... whadda??? and then he said: " ate, baka naman in fairness ang gusto mong sabihin?" ... he he, yun nga. And everytime i make grammatical errors, especially when i passed all the english exams... he'd tease me and say: "u know what? babawiin ko yung certificate mo sa mga english exams mooo!" and he says it in a really, really insulting, yet funny way, i almost always wanted to crush his head... ha ha!

hayy... i miss the days.

random... again

2006-01-15T10:50:00.000-06:00

wow. haven't had a post for a while... poor bloggie.

nothing much happened though. i worked for 4 straight (12-hour shift) nights last week. and i was so eff*n tired after that. Those were just my regular working days, because somebody swapped days with me. I agreed coz after that, i'm gonna have 6 nights off... not bad.

i already planned what i'd do in that 6 days... until it was screwed up. the last night i worked, my charge asked me if i could work extra on thursday. i hesitated at first, coz it's been a while since i've had a long off. yeah, i've had vacations last year, (and i was given like, 10 days off) but even if i did, those were still busy times, coz i was on a trip. so i was really looking forward for this 6-night off i'm gonna have... but... i am also close to being broke these days, and a little overtime would help a lot.

come thursday. at 4:30pm, the day shift charge called and cancelled me to work. nice, indeed. coz i have already wasted the whole day sleeping in preparation for work that night. kainis talaga... don't you just hate it? after i cancelled my plans because i thought i'd be working, then somebody's calling and telling me to have a good day off. pagkatapos akong pilit pilitin... hayy. i was not in the mood to do anything that night. it was cold... temp. was in the 50s, so i got lazy to go out and do my laundry or go to the grocery store. worse is, i didn't sleep, coz i spent the whole day sleeping. my eyes were wide open until 7am. i busied myself watching TV, browsing the net and experimenting on my friendster profile (lol). originally, i've some errands to do on friday morn, but since i didn't get to sleep the night before, i slept the whole friday too. hayy, kawindang. my plans were all screwed up. good thing kuya a. called at 3pm and invited me... err, no.. i invited myself to their house. we had dinner at chili's and dvd marathon afterwards. i went home at 2am, enough for me to sleep for 6 hours and wake up at 8am... and spend the remaining dayoffs normally.

at talaga namang ambilis ng araw. ngayon at bukas na lang ang off ko. balik-trabaho na naman. nagdaan lang ata yung 4 days ng walang nangyari. at least i got to rest. pero andami pa ring nakabinbing trabaho.

Sho*ot! i just remembered i haven't read the materials our bosses gave us to review. We're revising all our guidelines/protocols, and it's mandatory for everyone to review at least one topic and give comments/suggestions/ideas for the revision.

kelangan ko pa nga palang gawin yun. ang kapal pa naman nung mga articles. complicated pa yung topic na nakuha ko, medyo hindi ko pa kabisado, kasi hindi ko naman masyadong nagagawa.... wish me luck. sana hindi ako antukin habang binabasa ko ang 'guidelines for assisting with neonatal endotracheal intubation' ek-ek. hayy, title pa lang, inaantok na ko... good luck to me, ha ha!

addendum:

i went to hear mass this morning. i was late. (tsk, tsk) the priest was already doing his homily when i came in, so i sat on the last row. the guy next to me was very good-looking. (yun pa ang napansin, ha ha!) He's shy and quiet, and when we shook hands for the peace-be-with-you part, he smiled and looked at me for a while, then smiled again...cute...lol. Just a thought... why is it that the guys i like never stay? lagi na lang casual acquaintance, or just one fleeting moment , and then bye na... forever.

goodbye and hello

2006-01-02T03:48:00.000-06:00

another year is over... and i couldn't help but think of the year that just passed.

It was a great year, actually, inspite of its imperfections. i think i loved it more for its flaws... for the things that didn't happen the way i expected them to be. for the sudden twists of fate. for the things i didn't see coming (...or maybe i did), coz i learned a lot.

For me, It was a year of:

1.) independence...
a. separated from my roommates and got my own apartment unit
b. started my career as a driver (he he he)... drove myself to work and to places i needed to go... have had lost my way several times, over & over again (lol)... but nothing compares to the feeling of finally getting to the destination without anyone telling me what to do.

2.) and promises kept....(well, some of them)
1. got myself a laptop from my savings
2. got a living room set for my apartment before the year ended
3. sent a balikbayan box to my family back home

3. ) Of heartbreaks...

a. tia dais passed away on april 17th ... honestly, i still can't picture the old house without her... i guess it would never be the same. i hate to think that she'd never be there when i go home next year. it sucks....

b. tm left st. joe's .... rumor has it she was terminated ... we never knew what really happened, nobody talked about it, and it would be too rude to ask...

c. June 2005- the hospital announced it is suffering big monetary losses... st. joe's was put on sale... it still is...

d. katrina and rita rummaged the gulfcoast...

e. manny pacquiao lost to some hispanic guy ...

f. lolo peping died on dec. 23rd... just 2 days before christmas

2.) and heartaches...

a... almost fell in luv with a jerk

b... almost fell in love with another jerk

c.... item b is a lie... i still don't know if i've never really fallen for jerk#2....

3.) of travels....
a. had a one-week stay in orlando, fl
b. have seen most of L.A. in 4 days
c. spent 2 days in vegas

4.) and adventures...

a. relived the excitement of discovering new places and cultures
b. rediscovered the thrill of riding the rollercoaster and other nerve-racking rides
c. ...of the unforgettable... the phenomenal experience of hurricane Rita

5.) of friendship...

a. found my long-lost friend (KAI) through the internet...
b. who encouraged me to blog... which led me to meet great bloggers out there... beautiful strangers who touched my life in a way i never have imagined... strangers i picked wisdom from, relied on for advices (yeah, your comments mattered), and kept me company when no one was around
c. found other long-lost friends thru the net
d. met some family friends just before the year ended... it's like meeting ghosts from my past life... the first time in almost 2 years that i saw people who actually know me and whom i know... couldn't tell enough how happy i was.

6. and learning....
a. ...some lessons in life, friendship and love (don't wanna elaborate more... nxt time na lang)
b. ...a little bit more about myself... with the experiences i've had this year, i've had a better vision of myself. before, my vision of me had always been fragmented. now, at least i'm trying to gather the pieces... maybe later, i'd be able to finally see an abstract...

7. Of faith and hope...

a. throughout the year, we kept our hopes up for the hospital to be still there and functional... and it still is. We still functioned fully as a hospital after the announcement. A few people left, but our department has been blessed with a lot of patients for the months that followed. and we have very high hopes that sooner, someone's gonna buy us, and everything's gonna be all right.

c. with all that happened last year, hoping for the best and keeping the faith was really what kept me going. it was hard to be positive, with all the negativism around.... but somehow i still managed to look at the brighter side.

Now, it's 2006. I'm not making any resolution. i stopped making them years ago... they're just repeated versions of the previous years. but i have some plans in my mind.... coz there are matters that need to be decided on. I really wish i never have to make decisions about some things... (coz it makes my head ache so much!) ... but i have to... i just hope i'd soon figure out what's best for me... or that my decisions won't suck too much....

As usual, i'm keeping my hopes up. I hope 2006 would be a better year... in terms of lessons learned, of answered prayers, of lives touched, of healed pains... of being at peace with myself.

... And i wish the same for everyone who'd stumble upon here.

2005-12-29T08:36:00.000-06:00

Happy new year to all!!!

and...

Happy 1st year, Stan!

our first year together was great, and i'm looking forward for more ... luv yah!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/mikhyla/sets/1689376/

2005-12-20T01:17:00.000-06:00

got a lot of things playing in my head earlier, but i procrastinated in writing them. now that i'm in front of the pc, nothing comes out anymore. writer's block? duh... 'm not a writer!

okay, random thoughts na lang:

1. )still feeling bad about a highschool friend who didn't reply when i sent him a friendster message. (ha ha...ambabaw ko talaga..lol!) nagtatampo lang... 'm not really mad. it's just that we were really close when we were in highschool. If he was any other person, then it wouldn't be a big deal for me. but he wasn't. he was one of the few guy friends i have when i was growing up. We shared secrets, we gossiped, we talked about a lot of things... our dreams, our plans for our lives, our vision of ourselves, and things like that. We were even calling each other during my first year here in the US.

When we talked over the fone he told me i could count on him if i needed any help. (even if he's in frisco, and i'm in houston) and if ever i want to relocate, he'd always be willing to help. Well, so much for sweet talk. i don't know what happened, but we probably got busy with each of our own lives, so we didn't get the chance to talk anymore. and months & months later of no calls, i saw his profile on friendster. Found out that he got married recently. Of course i was happy for him. He's my friend! So i sent him a message congratulating him and wishing him all the best in his marriage. I didn't get a message back... and it's been a month since then. i'm a bit pissed off... what's the use of finding your old friends on the net if you won't be able to pick up the pieces of your old friendship? i mean, where's the sense in that?

2.) i love my new sofa set...! My friends are worried i'm becoming more introvert than ever. well, i'm still enjoying my set... bahala silang lumabas, basta ako, uupo sa sofa ko...lol.

3.) the spirit of christmas is getting into me now. i started decorating my home last friday, and today, i lighted my patio. I know it's a little late, but today's the only time i've had. it was chilly outside when i was fixing the lights (43F), but i was so into decorating my home for christmas, so i battled the cold....and i won. the outside of my patio looks so alive now. And inside, the nativity set looked so simple, yet so compelling. I think my house looks ready for Him. I am, too (i believe). Happy birthday, dearest One. This is for You.

Travel Notes

2005-12-14T01:03:00.000-06:00

*I was looking at the photos from our trip, and the idea of posting them suddenly came up... *

*** Singit: i dunno why, but the pics are a little blurred if click them on. i still have to place the cursor on the bottom right side & wait for the arrows that'd prompt me to view the pics on their regular size in able to see them clearly. (... ???)***

Las vegas, Nevada:

Views from the top:

a.) clouds... looks more like cottonballs... hmmn.. i wish i could touch them. daisy was sitting at the window side, so she played w/ her cam while at the plane.

b.) aerial view of the grand canyon... it was a pretty sight, even from a distance. As a child, i always dreamt of going there... to hear the wind and watch the sunset. And i promise myself i'm gonna do it... Some time, maybe. Moreover, i want the experience to be memorable, so i really have to plan for it. Much better if Mic could go with me, coz he shares the same passion of seeing the canyons. I'm crossing my fingers. Sana nga...

a.) inside caesar's palace... hayy, i love the interior of this hotel. the first time i went here, i was amazed with the ceiling. It was artificial, but it really looked like a natural outdoor sky. the clouds looked so real. and the interior design makes me feel i'm seeing a glimpse of the roman empire, back in Caesar's time. Sana rin makarating ako sa totoong Rome. that would be really, really nice..

b.) the fountain @ bellagio... i could afford to miss a show in vegas, but i don't think i could afford to miss the fountain. It's just awesome!! Last year, seeing it was a dream come true. (complete with a french song being played so loud... so mega-emote ako... babaw, ha ha!)I was so happy that time. And seeing it for the second time was just as great. Daisy was as elated as me too.

a.) MGM grand... one word...elegant. The american billboard awards was being held there when we passed by on our last night. Andaming tao, grabe. Daisy and I didn't know which direction to look coz there were a lot of beautiful people... both men & women, and they were dressed to the nines... we were wondering if we have already came face to face with some very famous people and just didn't know it. hmmn.. probably. what do we know?

b. the luxor walkway to mandalay bay... a lady offered to take a photo of me & daisy together.. such a nice person. she even asked me if i'm not cold, coz i wasn't wearing my jacket yet, and the temperature was in the 50s.

a.) the luxor hotel.... the 4th largest hotel in the world. Somehow mystical because of it's egyptian theme.. A light comes from the apex of the pyramid, which is so distinct at night. Even the hotel rooms are sloping...to complete the pyramid effect, i guess. We stayed here, and really had a grand time.

b.New york New York... the life-size statue of liberty is so huge. i've never been to new york yet, so i wonder how big the real statue of liberty is. It's more appealing at night time, i think.

a.) in our hotel lobby... gosh, being in a pyramid is just so confusing sometimes. There's a lot of turns, and corners, and chambers... i'm always lost!

b.) @ bellagio's overlooking the Paris hotel... a very nice place. Too bad the Eiffel tower ride was closed for maintenance when we went there.

a. inside caesar's palace's forum shops.

b. @ bellagio's famous garden. The garden's design also change when the seasons change. Last year, it was autumn when i went there. Now, it's winter...and christmas. I remember Daisy saying it was so beautiful it's almost sad... i got what she meant, and i felt her too.

*************************************************************************

Los Angeles & Beverly Hills, California

a.) Sta. monica... a lot of celebrities have their houses here. Our tour guide said real state is so expensive in this area. like, a piece of land costs 700k in US$. oh, man!

b.)Marilyn Monroe's house in beverly hills. It doesn't have windows @ d front coz she didn't want the paparazzis to see her. The house kinda looked lonely for me. I actually felt sad when i saw it... i couldn't imagine living in in a house with no windows and not see or feel the sunlight in my room. it's just sad. i guess it must have been hard for her, too.

the beaches...

a.) manhattan beach... 'twas cold when we went there. but there are still people who were swimming and even surfing. the camera captured the rays of sun in the water. it was beautiful.... Reminded me of the beach we have back in my hometown.

b.) marina del ray... the combination of sand, water, and palm trees was relaxing... (soothing?) i wonder how it'd look there during sunset. but our tour guide said it's no longer safe to stroll there at night. it used to be a nice place to hang out on the earlier days... (like the 70s & 80s) i wonder what happened.

Hollywood...

a.) the famous hollywood sign in L.A. they said it was originally meant to be a campaign ad for one company.

b.) inside hollywood... at the walk of fame. We took more pics with some of our favorite celebs' stars. i took a shot of bruce lee's star for my dad. we looked for the beatles' star, coz my father was a die-hard fan of them when he was younger, but didn't find it. well, he'd probably be happy with bruce's.

a.) the disney theater... it's the most modern architecture i have ever seen so far. Grabe, ang ganda! It's like a piece of silver gem placed in the metropolis... sayang, we weren't able to get inside, but i'm sure it's beautiful too, coz from afar, the building is really a sight to behold. Our guide said that some drivers complain though, coz when the sun is up & bright, the building shines like a silver metal, which is blinding to motorists sometimes.

b.)the lady's torso in beverly hills... it's actually done by a well known artist (gosh, i couldn't remember his name), and the model was an athlete who was a girlfriend of a known person in hollywood. *I forgot the whole story which our tour guide told us... i wasn't really paying much attention, he he.* it's a life-size structure... provocative in some ways but still very artsy.

Beverly hills drive... the best place to shop! err... just windowshop for penniless people like me, lol. There's a lot of designer stores, and they were really, really nice. Gosh, the YSL store's entrance was like a mini garden... there were orchids & other exotic flowers at the patio... and a fountain too. pero nakakamatay ang presyo! grabe, halos himatayin ako. the lowest item i saw there was $500, and it was just a sweatshirt. And there were a lot of good-looking and well dressed people too. oo nga pala, it's beverly hills, what would i expect? We even saw some models there, (the blonde lady & the guy) though we didn't know who they were...('m so outdated) They were doing a photoshoot, so we snooped in for a while.

asdfg

2005-12-13T02:57:00.000-06:00

*** can't think of a title, so i just hit any key on my pc ***

I'm feeling lazy and slow. Maybe i still have a hangover from our trip. i wonder if everyone feels the same way too. coz me, when i get back from a vacation... i have very small desire to go to work, do the errands, or drive. and all i wanna do is eat, sleep or just lay down on the bed and stare into nothing... hayy... i was dragging myself to work last saturday.

okay, ' hav to stop being lazy. it's not productive at all. i need to update my blog and chronicle my life. (lol) here goes the update:

Daisy (my friend) & I went on a trip to L.A. and Las Vegas. We stayed in L.A. for 4 days, and spent 2 days in Vegas.

well, we've had a good time. Good thing about our trip to L.A. is that i somehow got an idea how life is at that part of the state, and it validated some things i heard from friends. D & I didn't rent a car, coz no one was brave enough to drive in a city we didn't know, so we commuted. Yeah, right... we used the public transportation there... ha ha! of course, we got a cab once or twice, but mostly, we used the metrorail to get to places. It wasn't really that bad... we even patted our backs coz we were able to see most of L.A. without spending a lot of money... but we sacrificed our feet to walk some miles too. and we just didn't stay out late at night, coz we don't wanna get lost during nighttime in a foreign city... so, no night life for us, we just hung out in our hotel. But the really good thing was that we found out that traveling and discovering new places ain't really that complicated.

And of course, i did what most people do... compare. i started comparing L.A. to houston. Well, i always do compare the cities i've visited to houston. and i'm really glad we used the public transpo instead of the traditional cab or rent-a-car, coz i felt like i was having a taste of L.A. living for a few days. Well, we also did the grand city tour. It was a guided tour, and it kinda gave me a grasp of the city's culture. L.A. is a nice city. Very urban. it's more like Manila than Houston. I just thought that it's probably easier for more people to get a job there than in other cities, that might be the reason why there are more filipinos in there. but still... i like houston better. Here, i could get a nice house or an elegant condo unit in a reasonable price. i live in a nice apartment here. my neighbors are mostly professionals and students from good universities. i wonder if i could have that in other cities without doing so much damage in my pocket.

We stayed at the Sheraton hotel in L.A., and there were a lot of fellow filipinos who work there. D & I were glad about that. of course, it's always nice to meet a kababayan in a foreign place. They work in the concierge, and every morning, we bug them to ask for directions, he he. Ang mga kuya, gulong gulo sa 'min.

Las Vegas was more fun and relaxed. Well, it's Las Vegas anyway, who wouldn't have fun? It was my second time to Vegas, but i was still amazed with the city's bright lights and bustle. We stayed at the Luxor hotel, and my, it really was a pyramid. Gosh, i always lose my way going back to our room. It was like a maze... sometimes it really gets confusing, but it was fun, and interesting.

In vegas, i've had some encounter with really nice strangers. i dunno, but most people we met there were just so nice. (maybe coz we're all tourists, ha ha) We smile at each other in the elevators, wish everyone good luck in the casinos. On the plane, a guy offered us his snack. A lot of times, people offered to take pictures of me & D together... that always happen when they see d & me taking pictures of each other. I even asked daisy why people call vegas 'sin' city, when all i could see are nice people. And she laughed and reminded me how naive i was. yeah, i know. of course it was vegas, but still... it made me renew my faith in other people. those simple gestures of kindness from total strangers really touched me.

And there were a lot of filipinos too. Andaming kababayan. in our hotel alone, there are a lot of filipinos who work in the shopping centers. We even met fellow pinoy nurses at bellagio when we were watching the fountain. they were older nurses too, and all of them are married. pero, nakakatuwa pa rin. And Lani Misalucha is performing at Bally's every week! she has this big poster in the walkway from caesar's palace to Bally's. and i think i saw her face in a billboard along the strip too. Go pinoys!

We just didn't have the chance to watch a show. we were just there for 2 days, so we spent most of our days hotel hopping. and at night, we were at the slots. I didn't win though. *sigh* but i didn't really play that much. konti lang. still, i wish we should have watched something. i promise myself i'd watch any show by cirque de soleil next time. Ka, or mystere', or O, whatever.... hayy, how i wish. they're a bit expensive though, but my co-workers say it's worth every penny of it. okay...there's always next time.

*******

Hi to all my blogmates who visited here while i was gone. Thanks people for checking on me. Appreciate it. Sorry i can't visit ur sites yet... i'm a bit busy (and being lazy...lol) right now. bawi na lang ako next time. Hope you all are doing great. Merry Christmas!

quickpost

2005-11-29T10:00:00.000-06:00

... i feel like i'm losing my grip on someone.

...' hope i'm wrong.

mega update!

2005-11-20T22:25:00.000-06:00

for weeks i haven't really blogged, and now i just feel like telling everyone the latest happenings in my life....

1. Today....

a. Tess, (T) one of my best..est friends left.

She relocated in Seattle to be with her husband and her child. I know i should be happy for her, but i can't help to feel sad somehow. Why wouldn't I? She's such a dear person. She is one of the few people who saw the real person in me, and accepted what was there. We shared a lot of experiences together. We laughed and cried together. She, and Daisy (D)and I have become more than just workmates... we became friends, very good friends, up to now. yeah, i know she'd still be there for us. We could still laugh and cry together. After all, we're still under the same sky. It's just sad to know that she'd be living away from us beginning today. I'll surely miss her. Actually, i miss her already... but life's just like that. People come & go, no matter how much we want them to stay.

*For Tess: I know you seldom (never?) open this blog, but all the same, i want to say thank you... for laughing with me, for listening to my stories, for taking my side everytime i'm upset with someone, for the pieces of advice, for feeling sad if i feel sad, for the company when i'm alone... for the friendship. I'm praying for you, and I wish you all the best in everything. Good luck, sis."

Here are some of our photos before she left:

@ d airport, just minutes before her flight...

@ d boardwalk... just hanging around ....

finding time to stop & smell the flowers... hmmn... aren't gumamelas odorless?

@ Nasa...

Girls having fun! ang kukulit... mga pasaway!

b. The long distance call

I called home and had a really good (& long) talk with my parents. It feels good talking to them. It's nice to hear their familiar voices. but somehow, in the middle of our conversation, i felt a sudden pang of pain. (Gosh, here comes negative thoughts again.. can't help it, sorry, 'm just being honest...) I don't know... they just sounded so fine... and it hurts to know that they're doing so well there without me. It's just not fair. coz here, i am not doing so well without them. (darn... i'm ranting, and i hate it. gotta stop now.)

**************************************************************

2. Yesterday....

Party Time!

D won a ticket for a formal dinner-dance party. She could bring along one friend with her, and of course, it was... me! (lucky me, D doesn't have a bf ha ha!) It was such an experience. At least i got to wear a dress... which rarely happens. and i've got the chance to see some wealthy people in houston. (even if i don't know them, and they don't know me... and as if i care, ha ha!) The party was for the benefit of our hospital (w/c is a charity-based institution), so most of the people who attended were the sponsors of our charity foundation. Well, it really was a good night. The place was nice, and the food was good. And there was a band that played nice, jazzy music. hmmn... sino kaya ang sunod na mananalo at isama ako? Wish ko lang cruise na ang sunod.... ha ha... wishful thinking.

there was just one funny thing. When we first got to the place, we were surprised coz it looked like the party was over... and it was just 7:30pm. The chairs were already turned upside down, and there were used plates & glasses everywhere. D & I were bewildered... (as in windang, he he) then a waiter passed by (nagliligpit) and told us that if we're looking for the St. Joe's party, we're on the wrong place, coz it's being held in another room, and gave us directions on how to go there. what a relief... it would be bad if there's no party, coz we're already starving (he he)

okay, got some photos here... (bear with me, people, i am so addicted in posting my face everywhere... ha ha!)

a.) a snapshot of me before dinner... soo lady-like, and soo unlikely of me in ordinary days...ha ha! (i didn't have a dress so i just paired a flashy top w/ a skirt... yeah, i know my fashion sense sucks, but who cares?

b.) Daisy... lovely in black.

a. ala lang... feeling more girlish with the flowers
b. trying to relax after pigging out... ha ha!

**********************************************************************

3. The other Day:

the three of us: Daisy(D), Tess(T) and I, went to hang-out. Siempre, girl bonding. We went to Nasa-houston, and afterwards to Kemah boardwalk to eat. Oh, and with us was one of our senior co-worker from Nicu who's also a filipino... ate Rosie. It was our last day with tess... and it was worth remembering.

**************************************************************

4. last 2 weeks ago:

My friends & I watched Gwen Stefani's concert.... It was awesome!

I just loove Gwen Stefani. She rocks! She is so talented. She keeps on reinventing herself and trying out new stuff. I could really see the artist in her.

The black-eyed peas did the opening for the concert, and they were goood! We even went clubbing that night just to catch them (& we did), coz we heard they're hanging out in one of houston's club that evening, so we went there, and we weren't disappointed.

Gosh! my friends went ga-ga over allan pineda (apl). But i was really touched with him, coz at the club, he keeps on saying " hey, are there any filipinos here?" then... "bebots, bebots"... then, he'd again say: 'filipino babes... filipino chicks'. Ain't that just GREAT? He is half-filipino, and he is proud of it. Unluckily, we weren't able to talk to him coz the guards were all over the stage, and they don't allow the fans to get near them.... hayy, celebrity status. i think it sucks sometimes.

Photos again:

a.) crazy over apl

b.) d bebots... puro pa-cute... ha ha!

***wow! i made a long post! puede na uling manahimik ng matagal... he he. ****

2005-11-16T11:16:00.000-06:00

I noticed i haven't been blogging much these days...tsk, my poor blog.

i don't know, I guess the thrill of blogging has left my system already. Or maybe i'm just too busy with life. There's so much going on, and i feel exhausted most of the time. Like at this moment, I feel like closing my eyes and wish i could just drift away and be carried by the wind to another place and another time.

.... escapism. they say it's typical of me. but don't we all feel the same way sometimes?

a week in Orlando

2005-11-06T16:03:00.000-06:00

Hey! I'm back!

I'd like to thank everyone who left their tags here and wished me well on my vacation. Thank you so much, guys. And please, accept my apologies for not being able to return your visits. It's just that... i've been through a lot of emotional roller coaster lately... and this just made me feel so drained, which caused me to lack energy & passion in almost everything.

But i'm fine now. uhh... at this time, not really, (not yet) but i will be. Okay, 'nuff said about this stuff.

Updates:I went to Orlando, Florida for a one-week vacation. Went with some relatives and their friends.

Finally, i've got to see Mickey Mouse in person! (even if he's a mouse... he he)! Ain't that nice?

We visited Disney world, MGM, Universal and Epcot. And i rode the roller coaster! for the nth time... mind you, both indoor and outdoor roller coasters! But the most memorable are the outdoor ones, especially the ride at Jurassic Park. Man, it was hair-raising! ha ha! I also rode the 'doom's fall'... shucks! In this ride, i felt like we were thrown too fast in the air... and upon reaching the peak, the machine stopped, and we were ejected, feet hanging on mid-air. Grabee! i screamed and screamed and screamed... ha ha!

Was also able to meet my childhood heroes in person. Me & my siblings, esp. my brother were die-hard X-men fan back in our younger years. So, you could imagine how euphoric i was when i saw (and even talked with) Wolverine and the gang. I just wished at that moment that my siblings were with me. It would have been more fun. Well, i've got pictures to show them anyway. And probably, my bro would be glad to hear that Wolverine and Rogue said they wanna say 'hi' to him.

The fireworks were awesome, especially at Magic Kingdom, and at Epcot too. Honestly, i don't know what's wrong with me, but i felt a little sad when i watched the fireworks. Maybe coz it made me miss home so bad. It reminded me so much of new years in our hometown, where watching firecrackers is a family affair.

And of course, the main event... seeing mickey mouse in person. lol. but kidding aside, i loove mickey mouse. (who doesn't) and donald, and goofy. So i really spent time to fall in line (with the kids... ha ha) just to have pictures with them and get their autographs. Talk about being child-like... err, childish(?) here... ha ha!

Pictures:

More photos here:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/mikhyla/sets/1311066/

busy

2005-10-16T07:24:00.000-05:00

hey y' all! thanks, everyone for dropping by. I am so sorry i haven't posted anything for days here. I've been so busy these past weeks. but now i'm having my vacation... yipee! but... i seldom get to open my lap top here. We just have a lot of things to do. besides, the wifi connection in our hotel sucks.

So, see you later! ciao!

mata at tenga

2005-10-09T03:54:00.000-05:00

tagged by kadyo. Thanks, mang kadyo! (oops...sorry if i always put 'mang' beside your name... i just find the name more appealing if there's that word in there.. *palusot?* he he)

A. Si mata ang una.

why do we stare? Actually, i don't know. (he he... i am so full of sense today... ha ha!)

okay, seriously now... let me count the whys:

hmmn... for me... isip... isip... there!

1. curiosity - everything starts here i think. If something or somebody catches my interest, i do more than look... i look longer (ha ha... lol!), and i stare. maybe because i'm trying to see more than what my mere eyes could see. i want to establish a better picture of what i am seeing.
i try to build a connection, a bridge to connect me to that object/person and see how we are so different or so alike.

2. deep feelings/emotions - of love, admiration, anger, annoyance, hatred, grief, sorrow, etc.... basta! i think emotions cause us to stare too.
strong emotions touch something in my soul which tells my mind to look closer....

3. for confirmation - of what we see or what we used to believe....

4. ....or maybe in search of some (err... much) truth in love, honesty in beauty, depth in the mundane.

B. Si tenga naman

** name your 7 favorite songs**

Wow! i loove music... actually, i don't have a particular favorite song. i am a very musically oriented person, and i could listen to any genre. from classic to alt. rock, to metal, or punk rock, to r&b, to reggae, to rap, to jazz, to blues, to electric blues, to pop... kahit talaga ano. kahit tula nga eh... he he.

but since i am asked, (alangan namang ala akong answer, di ba?...he he) i'll just write what comes in my mind as of the moment. okay, here they go:

1. Wake me up when September ends - love this song by greenday. I like the guitars here.... basta! parang ang linaw ng pagtipa ng strings ng guitar. it creates a very distinct sound. yung parang intro pa lang, alam mo na na 'wake me up...' yung kanta. and i just love the part when the guitar blends with the drums. it creates a good sound. tsaka, parang nakuha ng musika ang emotions ng lyrics.

2. Fool on the Hill by the beatles - one of my all time favorites. Wala lang... it's more on a personal note, i could always relate. i like the lyrics, it touches something in me, and the melody just goes along well w/ the words.. mahirap hulihin (ang tono ng kanta)... parang yung kinukwento ng musika.
Once i heard a jazz or blues(?) version of this on the radio (sang by a woman), and it was also beautiful i almost cried... sadly, i don't get to hear this song very often.

*gosh, sa sobrang like ko, i want to post the lyrics here!* Well, eto na nga... i'm posting... he he*

Day after day
alone on the hill
The man with the foolish grin
is keeping perfectly still

but nobody wants to know him,
they can see that he's just a fool,
And he never gives an answer...

But the...
fool on the hill
Sees the sun going down,
And the eyes in his head
See the world spinning round

Well, on the way,
Head in a cloud,
the man of a thousand voices
talking perfectly still

but nobody ever hears him
or the sound he appears to make
And he never seems to notice....

And nobody seems to like him,
they can tell what he wants to do,
and he never shows his feelings....

Round and round and round
and round and round
And he never listens to them,
He knows that they're the fools,
they don't like him,

Oh......
Round and round and roud....

3. Ironic by Alanis Morisette - ...so true. I love the lyrics. This is the song that made me love Alanis. She's more than a singer. She's a poet too.

4. Castles in the air by Don Mclean - sad, tragic... but i love the drama in this song. The music is so simple, yet... so strong.

5. Nightingale by Norah Jones - makes me wanna sing too. I just love Norah... her voice could stand alone. hers is a voice that makes you really listen.

6. Everybody Hurts by the Corrs (originally by REM) - when i'm hurting, this is the song i wanna hear. ala lang, comforting, somehow. I like both the REM & the the Corrs version, but i have a CD of the latter's version back home.

7. *Naku, last na... eh andami ko pang gusto!* Butterfly kisses by bob carlisle- ala lang... i just know i'll always be my papa's little girl, and this song always bring me to tears whenever i hear it. i think of my father and how he and my mom tell us stories (note: my papa makes his own fairy tale stories) and put kisses on our cheeks before going to bed when me & my siblings were just kids. Life was so much simpler then. Being 28 is much, so much more complicated.

Re-post

2005-10-02T08:31:00.000-05:00

.. just came from work, and was just checking my e-mails before going to bed. Then i found this fwded message from Darlene. i'm not really a fan of chain messages, pero... i think i got scared w/ the warning at the end. (fool! ha ha!)... so, i obliged to re-post, okay lang, maganda naman yung thought eh.

but really... i'm still smiling at myself. honestly, i think i'm not the romantic type, (hmmn... minsan lang siguro... ) ahh.. ewan, basta... i'm not so public w/ my feelings or thoughts about romantic love eh, but i got scared w/ the idea of being cursed in love/relationships, kaya eto,sumunod ako... ha ha ha! I bet my friends would again ask me when i will ever grow up.... he he.

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot,
who calls you back when you hang up on him,
who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead,
who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats,
who holds your hand in front of his friends

Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares
about you and how lucky he is to have you.

Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's her."

If u open this you have to repost it, or you will have bad luck for the rest of your life!!!!!!! If I don't get this back I guess you're not my friend.

If you have a lot of love for someone, copy and send this to your whole list.

In 5 minutes your true love will call or message you.

You have just been WISHED.

Tonight at midnight your true love will realize they like you.

Something good will happen to you at approx. 1:42pm tomorrow, it could be anywhere. So get ready for the biggest shock of your life.

If you break this chain, you will be cursed with relationship problems for the most important time of your life.

Send this to 15 people in 15 minutes to carry on the chain...and spare yourself the emotional stress.

Be careful, (COPY AND PASTE, DO NOT JUST CLICK FORWARD

*pansin ko lang... pamatay talaga ang mga panakot ng mga chain messages.... *

more about Me

2005-10-01T07:42:00.000-05:00

tagged by rachel, so gawin ko na before i drift off to dreamland. Thanks, rach (he he, surprisingly, there are still people who wanna know more about me)

01. What is your favorite word (s)? mika (he he he)

02. What is your least favorite word (s)? nothing in particular... i think it's more on how the words were said or put together.

03. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally? curiosity, love, music, life, death

04. What turns you off? conceit & dishonesty

05. What is your favorite curse word (s)? letch!

06. What sound or noise do you love? acoustic guitars, rustling of leaves, waves on the seashore, babies' cooings, children's laughters, gwen's voice

07. What sound or noise do you hate? honking of other cars when i'm driving

08. What profession(s) other than your own would you like to attempt? i wanna do a stint on writing... it is always a treat for me to find a good read, and i always have some adoration and respect for people who could really write.

Here's another one, and... i hope nobody would laugh at this... somehow, i've always been curious of nuns. I always wonder how it feels to like be one of them, and... nevermind. (i think i really need to sleep... he he).

09. What profession would you not like to do? i don't know... nothing in particular too. i think every profession is important in its own right.

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? *Tough question here* i really haven't imagine that yet... but if ever, i'd rather have him hug me than say anything. i've been constantly talking with Him in this lifetime, so i think it'd be really great to be hugged by the Father i've always known and felt in my heart... that would be like seeing the wind.

... and honestly, i really want to leave the last say to Him... no expectations from my end.

*oo nga pala... this is a meme... well, kahit sino po. Feel free to answer the, questions if you want to, people. have fun!*

in the eye of the storm (part 2)

2005-10-01T01:53:00.000-05:00

at last, i could write a post now! thanks to blogger for being down for maintenance for the longest time when i wanted to post an entry yesterday and earlier today... my enthusiasm was lost. Have i not wanted to finish the story i started, i wouldn't be writing in here w/ eyes half-closed due to lack of sleep.

*** i think i'm not too clear w/ my writings here. Whatever... i'm just too tired. i hope my mom (who was my english teacher back in highschool) would forgive me for some grammatical errors and unconnected ideas in this post. (and my other posts as well.. he he...if ever she'll get the chance to read this blog) i just didn't have the energy to have an organized train of thoughts today. **

*continuation of last post*

Friday:

1030h> saw some people who were filling up large containers of water. D & I offered to help, and did some lifting and bending exercises to fill the containers and place them in the proper places. (mostly restrooms and sinks)

1130h> was told that there is free lunch in the cafeteria for employees and families, so went there together w/ a lot of people. Unfortunately, the cafeteria was closed, and we were advised to come back at 1230h. oh, man!

1200h> Unit meeting inside the NICU. Everybody was there, working or not working. I was surprised a lot of people showed up to volunteer too. We really have a lot of dedicated staffs in our department. (well, a lot of us have more than one reason for staying, though)

*** the director asked again who's staying or not, and made a head count. She asked who wanted to go home, before it was too late to leave, and 4 people volunteered. then, she asked who was willing to work. And since i was already there, i volunteered. Imagine that! i thought i'd just be helping with the chores, coz i wasn't really scheduled to work, but i've got to work for 6 hours too. Nice.

1900h> got off from the unit. Went to the cafeteria for free dinner for employees, but again, there's no dinner anymore. hayy, naku! Good thing i cooked all the eggrolls i have in my fridge. My co-workers feasted on them too. (they just loove pinoy eggrolls here)

2000> there was a long line in the shower room. Gosh. We only have 2 shower rooms, and there were more than 20 people who need to shower at that time. I got frustrated so i made a way to get out from the unit and have a better bathroom experience. I called my friend who i know has a connection w/ the new filipino family who just came in, and was still staying in the hospital dorm. Good thing he was there, and said there was no other person there, and i could use the shower and even stay in the lounge and watch TV as long as i want. The only problem that time was that they are staying in a different building, and it was said before that the crosswalks would be closed. I asked permission to one of the bosses, and she told me to go. hayy, buti na lang. I stayed there for a while and had a little chat w/ my friend. (gosh, i missed the dorm!) I came back to our building around 11pm, and some of my older co-workers were waiting for me and said they were already worried. (hmmn... parang pinas, me mga guardia civil... he he)

** few minutes past 8pm, the bosses went to the sleeping areas and advised us not to sleep by the windows. the wind might be too strong and the glasses may break. Also told us to be prepared to be called in if it becomes worse, coz we might move the babies.

2300> watched the news in the breakroom. Looks like rita is getting weaker, and is now down to category 4. Called home and assured my parents that i'm doing okay.

2330h> can't sleep. Plugged my laptop, but couldn't get an internet connection. I was hoping i could blog (he he he), but it seems like our place is a deadspot... no wifi connection available there. played some games in my computer and listened to some saved music instead.

Saturday:

2400> finally, became sleepy. Got a last look at the TV... nothing much is changed. Was awakened @ 2am by some movement in the sleeping area. some people were talking, and said it's not so bad outside.

0500h> woke up and had coffee in the lounge. Some people who couldn't sleep were also there. The news looks hopeful. It seems like Rita is not really heading to Houston at all, but might hit a nearby city. Outside, it was windy and dark, but it really doesn't look so bad.

1200h> Unit meeting. The director updated us that houston is not gonna be hit directly, and Rita is now category 3. Got Mixed emotions and different reactions from people here. Some cheered. Others were a bit disappointed (those who wanted to see and experience some action. he he... those adventurous soul)

1800h> was asked to work extra for 12 hours again. the city of beaumont was the one that suffered most from Rita, and one of our sister hospitals asked our help. Before night shift began, there was like 20+ ambulance in our Emergency room transporting patients from beaumont. The rest of the night was uneventful, but generally calm.

Sunday:

0630h> The storm is over, but we have an internal (company) disaster because of the sudden influx of patients from the sister hospital, but people are allowed to leave and go back to their houses now. Outside, the sky looked clear.

0900h> finally got home. Unloaded all the stuffs from my car and painfully carried all of them up to my apartment unit in the 3rd floor. Talk about using and straining some muscles here.

1000h> was ready to go to sleep and was so excited to feel the comfort of my own bed again. But my ordeal was not over... the aircon was busted!!!!! It was so hot, hot, hot inside the house!!!! and the temperature was like 85-95 degrees F. The business center of the apt. was still close, and i already called the maintenance dept. for the nth time, but the aircon was not fixed until 12noon of the following day. hayy, buhay! I felt like a zombie that day. i haven't slept good for the last 2 nights, and i still couldn't sleep at home because it was so hot.

2100h> called home and talked to my parents & siblings. told them that everything's okay, and i'm in good shape.

And that was it! the next day, i went to work again, and life was back to normal... at least for me.

** Rita left a not so pretty sight in some nearby cities. as usual, some lives were lost and properties were damaged. i feel really bad for them...

In the Eye of the Storm (part 1)

2005-09-28T08:10:00.000-05:00

WARNING: this post is looong... and it's not even finished yet.

For all who tagged and said their prayers for all of us here: Thanks so much guys! Your messages mattered a lot. Thanks, thanks, thanks!

I'm so glad this thing is over. Nothing really bad happened to houston. We've had some rain and some wind, but that was all it was. Thank God!

Last week was the craziest ever.

Tuesday:

It really started tuesday morn. my friend T called me up (she came from work) and told me they'd had a meeting in the unit about a hurricane coming. The disaster alert flags are up in the hospital, and everybody was asked to be prepared.

Later that afternoon, i turned on the TV, and the headline news was this hurricane in florida that is also headed to where we are. It was a category 4, same as Katrina, who left new orleans and biloxi (our neigbors in the gulfcoast) devastated. *worry started to creep in here ...*

At work, we had a change of shift meeting, and were updated about the hurricane. There was briefing & orientation on things that might happen. The disaster planning council was already very much at work.

Wednesday:

It was still very much about hurricane talk. This time, fear is in the air. 'It was inevitable', the newsman said. 'The storm is headed our way'. Rita is supposed to hit Houston by late friday night or early saturday morning. It's still a category 4, and could be a category 5 (the strongest a storm could be).... and the crowd panicked.

some cities/counties were ordered mandatory evacuation. People started stocking things up for their own use, if ever something really bad happens. Stores ran out of supplies of water, canned goods, batteries, and other things necessary for survival. There were reports of people fighting for a certain commodity. People started to put shields on their doors and windows. Traffic was heavy. There was a lot going on in the community.

4:00pm> i received a message from our unit director asking if i could come to the hospital and work extra on friday or during the weekend.

...... *which i didn't answer because i didn't know what to do yet. i would be able to decide when i talk to my cousin. ...if they would leave the town, i might go with them.*

6:30pm onwards> another change of shift meeting. The director wants to know who's staying in the hospital or not, and she has to know the answer by 10am the following day. We are on level2 disaster alert plan. She gave us the rules/guidelines on what to do if ever we decide to stay in the unit.

The whole shift.... all people talked about was the hurricane. Fear really hangs heavy on the air. People are scared. all of us were mostly undecided whether to stay or not. Well, no one can blame us... who knows what will happen next? The TV in the lounge was on for the longest time. It was never turned off (poor thing), and my co-workers were sneaking from time to time... catching a glimpse of what's happening outside.

I think everybody was emotionally fragile that time... but most especially the parents. Well, they should be. I really felt sorry for them. But we all can do nothing about it. We are a closed unit. We are neonatal ICU. There are really sick babies there, and people just can't go in & out all the time, esp. when there's a lot that is going on. The unit announced that we would be closed for visitors (even parents) starting friday noon, until... nobody knows.... well, until the hurricane thing is over.

** i really felt bad for the parents. Imagine going out of town with your family, bringing with you all those stuffs that matter (like documents, pictures, etc.), fear clutching your heart and not knowing if you could still come back... but leaving your tiny baby in the hospital because he/she is so sick to go with you? MAn.... that sucks. bigtime.**

Deep inside, i was also worried. i haven't shopped for goods yet. and there were reports that there aren't enough supplies in the stores anymore. There's no more water, one of our parents said. There's no water everywhere. And no gasoline! Gosh!

11:30pm> i called kuya andrew (si pinsan), and asked if they're leaving the town or not. They said NO. Traffic was so, so bad, and they couldn't find any gas. His fuel was only half-full, and gas stations were out of gas.

Thursday: *the craziest and the most tiring day ever*
6:30am> change of shift meeting. The director had an update about the hurricane. It is still heading our way. Now, it's category 5! Goodness! She said she needs our answer by 10am this morning (if we'll stay or not... and i still haven't decided yet!)

7:00am> i decided to stay in the hospital. (i thought it was the most rational thing to do) and D (my close friend) & I were ready to storm the stores for a panic buying.

** T went to Seattle. This was a planned trip... long before Rita was in the news.**

First Stop: Walmart in pearland. The closest to our apartment. Gosh! It was jampacked. As in! And true... there's no more water! the canned goods section was also almost empty.... We just got what we saw there, mostly corned beef and sausages, and added sodas and gatorade. We looked for sleeping bags, but didn't find one. when we finished paying the bills (after a long, long, line), we went back to the hospital.

Second stop: the bank (in the hospital). Unfortunately, it was closed already! So, we went to the nearest ATM machine & got some cash. *hirap na, anoh... dapat me cash na ready. in case... just in case.*

3rd stop: (0930am) the director's office. I informed them i would be staying... and i was welcomed enthusiastically. She told D & I one thing: That we have to be in the hospital by exactly 12noon tomorrow. After that, we couldn't come in anymore, coz security would be closing the gates after 12. And we should bring our own stuffs. Beddings, food, water, etc.

4th stop: (10am) Fiesta in wheeler... another grocery store. We still don't have water and sleeping bags, so we really have to hurry. Unfortunately, we weren't lucky enough to find both. but we found wipes there. (Ala lang... he he... just in case ulit.) the store was also jampacked. Andaming taong nagpa-panic buying din. It reminded me of christmas time in the Philippines, when everybody is doing their shopping and the stores are so full you could hardly breathe. When we finished, the 'closed' sign on the door was already up... and there were still people outside. tsk.

5th stop: Target in Kirby... unfortunately, i was a little too late. When i came by, the crew was already closing the door, and the big CLOSED sign was like daunting me. Gosh! We don't have water and sleeping bags!!! Our only hope is that the hospital would at least have drinking water available for staffs. (sana naman noh!). i decided i'll just bring along a comforter with me. That would pass as a bed for a while. 'puede na rin siguro yun'... i thought.

We went home and started packing. *take note, ala pa kaming tulog..* The news was showing the heavy traffic on the interstate highways due to the massive evacuation. It was crazy, i'm telling you! The scene on TV looks like a scene on the 'war of the worlds' (when the people was evacuating too...)

I was so damn tired. But i have to go packing. Sho*ot talaga! i also have to fix my house... err, apt. i removed all my display in the living room (which are some few things), and put them in a closet. I cooked all the perishable goods in my refrigerator. Good thing i have egg rolls there. hmmnn... my co-workers would be glad... he he. but really!... i was so tired. my eyes were really almost shut, but i have to keep going... esp. if i hear the weatherman giving some update about the news. And... I still did the laundry. *sigh* hayy, naku... as in, sobrang pagod na pagod talaga ako until night time.

Dusk fell... and it was like ghost town here. It was so quiet outside. I could even count the number of cars parked in the usually packed parking area. I got out to throw my thrash. I was the only person outside... Seemed a little creepy to me. Well, looks like the people of houston left, and i was wondering if some of us who opted to stay here would really be doomed.... in that instant, i thought of... that far, far away place in the east, and wondered if the sun shines brighter there. Suddenly, i longed to be home.

I went back inside and continued working. I was a bit scared too, coz there were reports that robbers are taking advantage of situations like these. They know people are out of town, so they could easily sneak in the houses. Such a scary thing... i'm all alone in the apartment, and i don't think somebody could be here immediately to help me if something happens. Gosh, I'd rather have my home robbed when i'm out, than meet the thief face to face! This is really crazy!

1am> my parents texted me. Said they're worried to death about me. Siempre, assured them that everything's going to be all right, and informed them that i'm staying in the hospital. this was enough to lift my spirit a little bit. I really wanted to talk to them, but i was really tired, i couldn't move anymore (exagg... pero totoo he he), so i just promised to call them later and keep them updated.

*got some sleep from 2am til 7am*

Friday:

0700h> Turned on the TV. It was really, really bad. A lot of people were stranded on the highways. There were cars who ran out of gas and overheated, which made the traffic even worse. There was even one bus that exploded, and with it were the elderly patients from a nursing home. It was horrible!

0800h> D called. Told me to do the last minute packing andchecking.

0900h> D and i left the apartment and headed to the hospital. (Gosh, ain't our stuffs heavy? he he.) Each of us used our own cars. Again, it was like ghost town outside. The streets are almost bare. All the cars we saw on the street were trying to conserve gas, i think, coz all their windows were lowered. (that includes me)

0930h> reached st. joseph hosp. parking garage... shucks! parking was hard. kainis! but it was okay, we found a spot where our cars could be lined up together. then we saw fellow filipino nurses there. funny, all of us (single people) decided to stay in the hospital.... most, to seek shelter... ain't that nice? sama sama together pa rin kami, though we know we wouldn't see each other much. coz we work in different deparments.

1000h> we showed up in the unit, and saw the bosses who welcomed us. We tried to find a spot where we could put our stuffs and sleeping gears, and found the hallway instead... he he. well, anything goes from now on. we could sleep anywhere, our manager said. We then found the conference room, where a lot of people sleep too, and finally settled there. Nakigulo na rin kami ng friend ko.

****to be continued... antok na ko...****

'Rita is coming to town....

2005-09-22T13:43:00.000-05:00

don't know yet what will happen; though we're hoping against hope that everything would still be all right.

i've been working for the past 2 nights and was not able to prepare much for this thing. i decided to stay in the hospital, together w/ the other nurses to take care of our babies there. I know it's crazy, but this is my job.

So... i guess i have to say hasta la vista for now. i might be dormant in bloglandia for a while. See you when i see you. And i'm wishing all of you a happy week ahead.

fones, fone calls etc.

2005-09-20T08:46:00.000-05:00

After hearing my ate's sentiments (over the fone), & my friend's rants (who came from work last night), ciempre, hindi ko na nagawang magkwento ng happenings sa buhay ko. my ate was so emotionally charged. (nagsusumbong, nagpapakampi, naghihinga ng sama ng loob.. he he), and my friend was so stressed out... so, si mika, nakinig na lang ... (he he)napaka-inconsiderate ko naman ata kung isisingit ko pa ang mga alang kwenta kong kwento. But it looks like my day is not complete if i won't share some of them (hobby ko talaga kasi magkwento eh)... so i'm staying awake to blog, even if my eyes are already half-closed.

I've got a new fone!! it's not too expensive, nor it is so 'high-tech', but i felt good coz after one & a half year here, nakapagpalit na rin ako ng fone... me camera fone 'ko,sa wakas! (na matagal nang nauso...he he),and this time, mas marami nang features ang fone ko. i remember my friends and i noticed that our relatives back home have better fones than us...(well, it's a common story he he).

*********

k.a. (my cousin) went w/ me, and ended up getting fones too(for him, tita, and J)... he he, ain't that funny? Ang swerte ng agent! well, the guy who assisted us was really... funny (?) he was both efficient & effective, i guess, coz he ended up selling 5 fones in total (3 for my relative, and 2 for me).

Well, actually, this post is about him... ha ha ha! He's kinda cute. medyo kahawig ni jet li. (kaya cute) He's asian too.. (just not sure if a he's 'viet', or a 'ching'). he really gave us a good deal, so napapayag kami sa mga promos nya. antagal din kaya naming nagdesisyon no... at ciempre, pinag-explain din muna namin cia ng marami... he he.

He was *kinda teasing me (*xpression ko na ata ngayon ang 'kinda'... pansin ko lang*). ewan ko, inaasar ako eh. i paid my bills, and after he punched my credit card, he gave it back to me and said "your card didn't work" si ako naman: "huh? ...that's weird", and he shrugged and said "sorry, it said your card was declined" sabi ko: "it's really weird. this never happens... (yabang ano? he he) What's the reason?" then he said: "well, you don't have money in the bank... or.. i don't know" When i was getting ready to pay w/ my check, biglang ngiti si loko, and said "... hey! Just kidding! he he.."

Ang mokong na yun!! ciempre, tawanan sila ng pinsan ko, nakitawa na rin ako. naitanong ko tuloy sa sarili ko kung mukha ba talaga akong kaloko-loko at pati ibang taong ngayon ko lang nakilala eh inaasar ako...

he finished doing business with me, and started helping my cousin. i got bored with their talks, so i called D. eh, medyo napahaba ang usapan namin ni D. He was looking at me from time to time, and was shaking his head. Then, after almost 30 mins (dami kwento eh), he got my attention and said "hey, ma'am, your new plan is not yet activated. You're talking too much. That's gonna be expensive." Aba! at talaga naman... eh, he can't fool me anoh! alam ko activated na yun, coz i'd been using it forever. Sabi ko: "well, it doesn't matter" (yabang ko talaga... ha ha!) tapos, ngiting pang-asar na naman si mokong.

Then some girls passed by, (mga asyana rin) and said 'hi' to him. He also smiled at them (at medyo nakipag-flirt pa!). When he came back to us, he said "aww... they always drop by here... i don't really like them." (ay, naku, i lamost choked!.. mga lalake talaga... he he)

Well, he said some more funny things, but the highlight was when we were almost done. i asked him if i have to pay extra if want my fone unlocked. and he said i need to. pero, offered cia na hindi na raw. libre na lang daw for us. we could just bring him something... food, or a hot chick, (w/c of course, sabi nya, is joke ulit.) then he asked where my relative works and said he knows the place and he plans of going there sometime. ciempre, chinika din cia ni cousin.

...and then, he asked me, 'so, are you a home girl?' eh, ang hina kaya ng voice nya anoh (siguro ayaw iparinig ke pinsan... ha ha!), so sabay kami ni pinsan na... "what?"

*hmmn... mukha ba kong homegirl? Nagta-trabaho po ako anoh! minsan lang talaga,mukha akong katulong... ha ha!*

He laughed and shook his head, and said "no, nothing"... then he was about to say something, but hesitated, then changed his mind and said to me "hey, why don't you hook me up w/ your girl friends?" and smiled. (He he.. etong mokong na to talaga!) and i was like "....??"

Then he got quiet and said "oh, you probably don't want me for your friends. You'd tell them i'm this kind of guy who knows a lot about girls, and all that stuffs..." -silence- And he added (this time, a little too serious) "but i'm really not like that... I'm a good guy. Honestly, it's just school, work, and home for me."

Siempre, i didn't know what to say. Ngiti na lang ang sagot ko, he he. but i was touched, coz he looked so sincere when he said those last words. Hayy, naku... ewan ko, iba iba talaga ang mga taong nakakasalamuha ko araw-araw.

'Dear... (mala-dear diary na entry)

2005-09-18T04:44:00.000-05:00

this was both an eventful and uneventful week.

the not so interesting events:

First, i worked for 4 1/2 days this week (normal is 3), and was called at 1am to come to work coz they badly needed an extra hand. Was also asked several times to work extra for the remaining days, but due to earlier compromised appointments (exagg. ba?), i had to say 'no'. and... i needed some rest too. (he he)

the kinda interesting events:

Event #1

yesterday morning, somebody tried to break-in in one of my friends' apartment unit. Good grief!!! And it happened in broad daylight... like, 10:30 am. The story goes like this: My friend (R) heard someone knocking on her door. she looked at the peephole and saw a man she didn't know. So, she just ignored him, hoping he was just mistaken and would soon realize that. But then, he continued to knock... this time, harder, and louder. She still didn't answer. Then he started banging and kicking her door. She called 911, and called everyone of us, but nobody was able to answer her call. (most were working, and i came from nightshift, so i was very much asleep that time *insert guilt here*, besides, i left my cellfone in my bag, which i left in the living room). The door finally gave in, and the guy got inside. And there my friend stood... So scared inside, but so brave to not let the guy know about it. She confronted him and asked him what he's doing...And that guy still had the nerve to answer and lie! He has a basket/case with him and told my friend that he was there to get his things back coz somebody had stolen his things and someone told him that they were placed on her pad, he just came to get them back. The nerve of that guy!!! Then R talked w/ him in a loud voice (almost screaming), and the guy left. Then the police came (late as always... he he, parang 'pinas din pala) Hayy, i feel so bad for her. i'm kinda scared too. To think that our apartment is a nice apartment. (well, rent is high, it must be nice), and they say it's secured. there are guards at the main gate, and there are still some who roam the whole complex, i could even see them at night... But things like these still happen. I wonder how people describe being secured now.

event # 2:

I accidentally found out something (about a person i used to know) that made me sad... err.. cry. *wink*

event #3

Came nighttime, and we (D & I)attended the feast of our lady of Penafrancia. So glad to see ate Jess' family there. Kumpleto ang whole family. Hi Inna! Then our co-worker who was the event's chairperson introduced us to one of her guy friends. (trying to play matchmaker again.. ha ha ha) The kids were teasing us, especially Royce. *Inna, 'yang kuya mo talaga... ha ha!* But, that din't work for me... ha ha. you know me guys. i'm not desperate to hook up w/ just somebody who comes along. No, i'm not that desperate, ha ha! i was just being nice and good-mannered, he he.

event #4

went to my relative's (k.a.) house. there was j, as always, and he introduced me to his cousin (r) and r's friend. They were cool, nice guys. They went clubbing to downtown, and me & my couz in a spur-of-the-moment decision, went to starbucks to have a little chit-chat. They followed us there, and we really had a goodtime... It was nice to see J being less quiet & inhibited. (he he... isingit talaga eh) R, charming as he is, immediately found a new 'friend'... he he, mga lalake talaga! When he came back to our table, (like, after 20 mins) he was being defensive and said the girl was the one who smiled first and talked to him. (actually, they were all together when they saw the girls, pero si R ata ang chickboy eh... marunong mambola, mahiyain yung iba... ha ha!) it was really nice talking with them. Gosh, nauubusan ako ng ingles, he he. we stayed there until 4am.

Then we went home, and now, i'm off to sleep... pero, blog muna. :D

He he... did i happen to tell you this is one of my longest entries? Sorry, the warning came late. I didn't see it coming. Pag alang sense talaga, andami kong nasusulat ! *lol*

2005-09-15T09:00:00.000-05:00

Happy Neonatal Nurses' Day!!!

2005-09-12T09:18:00.000-05:00

Slipped Away
by Avril Lavigne

Na na
na na na na na

I miss you
I miss you so bad
I don't forget you
Oh it's so sad

I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly

The day you slipped away
was the day i found
it won't be the same
Oh

Na na
Na na na na na

I didn't get around to kiss you
Goodbye on the hand
I wish i could see you again
I know that I can't

I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly

I've had my wake up
Won't you wake up
I keep asking why
I can't take it
It wasn't fake
It happened you passed by

Now you're gone
Now you're gone
There you go
There you go...somewhere
i can't bring you back
Now you're gone
now you're gone
There you go
There you go...somewhere
You're not coming back

Na na
Na na na na na

I miss you

***For Tia Dais,

Wherever you are, i wish you peace and happiness....

Happy Birthday.

Sabado...

2005-09-11T01:38:00.000-05:00

2 things i don't want to do in my day off:

1. spend the whole day shopping

- i don't like shopping much. Yes, i could do some shopping, but i hate wasting the whole day just buying stuffs and hopping from mall to mall. i usually get bored doing it. I'd rather do the laundry, or clean the apartment, or surf the net, or even read the most boring nursing textbook than shop all day.

2. drive in the freeway/interstate highway

- i still don't feel confident driving in the freeway. The cars are fast, and i feel so scared everytime i change lanes, enter a ramp, or take an exit. Having other people in my car while i'm on the freeway doesn't help much either, it scares me even more. .. i feel responsible for keeping them safe all the time.

Pero... pag pinaglaruan ka nga talaga ng tadhana....

Two days ago, the 3 of us, (me, D & T) agreed to go shopping on Saturday. Though i don't really enjoy doing that thing, I needed to go because i'm out of food and of almost everything in my apartment, (and i thought we'll just gonna spend half of the day for shopping). I was off the night before, and the other 2 worked, so i have no choice but to be the designated driver. I agreed, in one condition: that i wouldn't take the freeway route.

And so came Saturday. On our way to the first shopping area, we got lost. There was a construction going on in the boulevard, and drivers are being redirected to a different street. We tried taking other routes, but we just got farther & farther away from that precious shopping complex (which they insisted we must reach, despite everything). They suggested that i take the freeway instead... (yeah, right!) ...but what could i do? We've been going in circles for almost an hour already, so i did follow them. After the next 15 minutes, we finally got there. (inspite of my very cold hands and deep shallow breathing... he he).

After going from one mall to another in that area, my friends (who unfortunately are shopaholics) now want a change of place, and wanted to go to a different mall. And where did they wanna go? to a shopping area in another suburban district, .... hayy, naku. Worse is... the only way they know is the freeway route.... hayy, naku! ulit.

We reached the 2nd shopping destination quickly, but stayed longer there. (For me, it seemed forever!) After 2-3 hours, we paid our bill. I was preparing to go home already, coz I thought they were done. It was already 4:00pm, and we started out early ( like 10:00am)... but they weren't. T still wants to go to another shopping area near our place. Putik talaga, oo! I kidded her and told her that maybe shopping there could wait for another day or two, but she said she needed to do it today, coz she needs to send her balikbayan box within this week. And so, off we went to our next stop.

Lunch (late lunch) was the first thing we did when we got to our 3rd destination. Afterwards, they attacked the stores again. I also entered a few stores and got some things for me (what else could i do?) D & I found each other in one of the boutiques, and decided to drop our goodies to the car before storming the other stores.

When we were at the parking area, i couldn't find my car key. I searched my bag... no car key. my pocket... no car key. D's bag... no car key either! (yeah right, just what i needed to complete my day!)

Our first instinct when we realized that the key is missing was to go back to the restaurant where we've had our late lunch (which was almost 2 hours ago). We asked the cashier if by chance somebody has found a key, coz i lost mine. And know what? Somebody did.... And it was my car key!!!! THANK GOD! And for YOU who found my key: thank you from the bottom of my heart... whoever you are)

Then, we went to where T was, and told her what happened. Maybe D & I looked so damned cool while telling her the story, because she didn't seem affected by it.

After she paid her bill, I finally said... 'okay, let's call it a day'.

And guess what? T raised her eyebrows and said "Aren't we going to kroger? I still have to buy a gum for my brother"

(Putik talaga, oo! gabi na, shopping pa rin!) I said i don't think i could go there anymore, coz i still have a lot of things to do. I haven't done the laundry yet, and i've got to call home. Kroger could wait.

And in a slightly high-pitched tone i said: 'why didn't you buy what you needed earlier? We've been to a lot of malls, already, hindi pa ba tapos yan? (he he he... sungit na ako)

Then she said in a soft voice "couldn't we at least have some coffeee?"

And D said " oo nga naman..." (in a soft voice too.)

he he he... men! mga kaibigan ko talaga!

But i really had enough of the day, so i said NO, and added they could have coffee if they want, but i'm going home. (Tantrums na si mika... ha ha ha!)

And so we went home. And i've got to hurry and do my errands before this crazy sabado is gone.

*P.S. Don't get me wrong. I love my friends. I was just stressed out. And i feel bad for showing up a temper today... but, hey! i'm only human.... I have my moments too. *wink*

Nic

2005-09-09T23:15:00.000-05:00

Last night, i've got some time to have a closer look in my workplace, but got more fascinated with the people i found there. I have workmates from different parts of the world, which makes our unit an environment of diversified culture and personalities.

The physical aspect is one you'd see first, maybe because it's the most visible part; though ethnic & cultural differences could never be ignored... it's as striking as the isssue of color. But what amazed me more is to see people from multi-socio-cultural backgrounds working together for a common goal.

We may not look the same; we may not share the same philosophies in life and love; we may not have the same religion; we may not speak the same language at home; but there is one thing that brings us together... our love for the world's littlest wonders: Babies. Isn't that amazing?

A Thank you Post

2005-09-08T09:38:00.000-05:00

Thanks to all who visited and gave their comments on my new layout. yeah, you're right, this isn't really bad at all...i just need to have some time getting used to it. what just freaked me out last time was that i really didn't know how to mess and play w/ blogger's templates, and i was being lazy to read the instructions & tutorials, so i ended up just hitting any button i think would make it... and there, the result i got was far from what i really wanted. (he he.. what would i expect, di ba?)

P.S. (this is a long P.S. ha ha!)

To: Ayeka Denise: thanks very much for giving me the website add.

and for you, people who visit here frequently, yes, YOU... gosh, do i have to mention names pa? Pero sige na nga ... luvs ko kayo eh... he he.

To: Mei - thanks for dropping by regularly, and for always sharing your thoughts... that matters to me. thanks talaga! *smile* & *hugs*

To: Kai - i know that you're really busy, but you still have time to take a peek on my blog... kita ko sa stats, araw- araw... he he. miss u, friendship. *Mwaah!*

To: Inna - ala lang, i just wanna put your name here... he he he! Seriously: Of course, i wanna thank you too. we're kindred spirits, inna (though anlayo ng edad natin at ateng ate na ko pag kasama nyo.. he he)... we're the only bloggers here in our place, ha ha ha! *wink* (kainis... ayaw kc mag-blog ng mga ka-age ko dito eh *sigh*)

To: Pao, Fam, kadyo, lukin4gf, darkblak & of course, Mr._D.... thanks for visiting, and posting your comments.... *hugs* po senyong lahat.

To: Those who visit here sporadically... thanks, thanks, thanks... it makes my day to read your tags.

He he he... ang drama ko! grabeee!!!.. bear with me people. This is what happens when i work consecutive nights and don't get enough sleep. ha ha ha!!

qwert

2005-09-07T07:42:00.000-05:00

Sho*ot!! i wanted to change the layout of this blog, but i didn't find a background that i like.. I experimented on mixing the designs, and this is what i got! ( and because i'm such an idiot in computers and template stuffs, i worked on it for almost 4 hours... *sob*)

... for my visitors, i'm sorry if my blog is such an eye sore. i'll try to fix it later, if i have more time.

... tsk, i think i'm a hopeless case.

**(Seryoso po talaga ako nung sinusulat ko pa lang tong entry. nung i-si-save ko na, natawa ako... parang ang laki ng problema eh... ha ha ha!)**

mika's eleven seven

2005-09-04T03:49:00.000-05:00

This post is another tribute to me, myself and I. (and so what's new?)

...was tagged by Fam. Thanks, sister Nurse!

Seven Things That Scare Me
** i'm not really 'scared' w/ these things... i think 'indifferent' is a much appropriate term... ah, ewan, parang ang gulo ko, anoh? he he..**
1. full moon (weird, but i am or 'was ?'... esp. when i was a kid...my siblings know about it... he he not because of the ghostly ideas associated w/ the full moon; it's a totally different thing that i just can't explain)
2. deep, vast ocean (gosh, thoughts of the water engulfing me gives me the creeps. ugh!)
3. crossroads (i just hate the overwhelming feeling of being lost!)
4. car accident/crash (i don't wanna even think about it!)
5. losing someone i dearly love
6. death and the unknown (i know it's inevitable, but i still am...i think it's more of the 'unknown' part )
7. love ... sometimes (yeah, love could be scary sometimes...*wink*)

Seven Things That I Like the Most
1. coffee, coke, caffeinated drinks
2. flowers
3. rainbows
4. butterflies
5. babies (things nga raw eh... kulit!)
6. filipino food... esp. ginataang talangka or sikad-sikad (one kind of kuhol... wow.. drool)
7. music- any kind, except those w/ very explicit lyrics of sex & violence (such a prude? he he...)

Seven Important Things in My Bedroom
1. table
2. lap top
3. bed (catalyst for that precious, precious sleep)
4. docs
5. books
6. letters from home/ friends (kasentihan)
7. alarm clock

Seven Random Facts About Me
1. a typical piscean (a dreamer; and one who is as elusive and alluring(?) as a mermaid..*wink* he he he)
2. a left-handed (which also means 'gifted' in many ways... pagbigyan nyo na ko.. hah ha!)
3. a natural born comedienne (kahit hindi ako nagpapatawa, natatawa sila.. ewan ko ba... )
4. don't like shopping much (nahihilo ako sa paglakad at sa dami ng nakikita eh.. but i'm not a kj when i do it, and my family & friends could attest to that)
5. a passive-agressive & obssessive-compulsive personality mix
6. mature philosophies in girlish charms (funny... it's surprising to people who don't know me much... *wink*)
7.never had a boyfriend ;never been in love (?)... but not bitter about it ... coded... he he, this is too personal, so i'd rather keep it to myself; but i wrote it anyway .. just to remind me of what i was (or still am?), if ever i look back someday... but it's really no big deal.

Seven Things I Plan to do Before I die
1. wander to distant/unsafe places alone (the idea gives me such a thrill...)
2. travel around the world w/ my family (top destinations are... rome, venice, florence, paris, egypt, africa, greece, thailand, cambodia, & japan... he he, mapangarapin po ako)
3. build an ancestral home for my parents
5. give something back to humanity (... bahala na kung pa'no... pero sana. )
5. build a school/foundation named after my father (eto ang pangarap lang talaga... ha ha!)
6. live the life i want to live and be at peace w/ myself
7. spend time with the people i love and let them know how much i love them (...mushy, ha ha!)

Seven Things I can do
1. eat w/ so much gusto, yung parang patay-gutom... he he (esp. if galing sa ka-toxican!)
2. could be crazy, crazy, and super kulit kahit hindi naman nakainom... he he he (ask my friends & my family)
3. laugh at myself
4. drive a car
5. magbigay ng injection (pag inaaway ako, sa mata ang tusok... bwa ha ha... joke lang po ito!!!)
6. sing the 'dancing queen' ala cameron diaz (in 'my bestfriend's wedding' when she sang in a karaoke bar) in a crowd of total strangers (and a few friends in sight... he he he)
7. what else?... oh.. I could also play the guitar (acoustic lang), and the flute... not so well, though... but i could.

Seven Things I Can’t Do
1. read a map/navigate a new place (proven na time & time again... please, don't give me the map, you'd be irritated, he he)
2. follow complicated driving directions (Sample: guard: ok, go east from here, then turn right on the next street... Me: uh, (apologetic) which way is east? he he he..)
3. magpa-cute or flirt openly with guys (ah ha ha ha! ... magagawa ko rin siguro, hindi nga lang effective... mas masusuka ata sila sa halip matuwa... ha ha ha!)
4. have an affair with a married man (shikes!.. hindi sa pagsasalita ng tapos, pero 'di ko ata kaya yun...*wink*)
5. draw or sketch (hayy, naku... i can't even draw a straight line... taga-timpla lang ako ng kape nung college pag me creative presentation ang grupo... he he)
6. tell my parents nasty things (i can't!... love them so much!)
7. kumain ng apoy... he he

Seven Things that Attract Me to the Opposite Sex
**hmmn... why do i seem lost here?**
1. looks: nothing in particular, basta mukhang tao (wag lang malaki ang tyan... he he)
2. wit : not necessarily smart... just someone whom i could have a conversation with
3. sense of humour ( i just love people who could make me laugh/smile)
4. hmmn... good in math (ambobo ko kasi sa numbers eh... kaya parang astig pag me magaling sa math)
5. .... ano pa ba? .... knowing how to play the guitar is a pogi point. ('plus' point lang... hindi 'must'... he he, naging issue kasi yan noon eh... ha hha ha!)
6. character (too vague?... basta... sa kin na lang yun, he he)
7. *... la na ko maisip...*

Seven Things You Say the Most
1. Putik!!
2. loko to! ... or kolokoy!
3. hmmn...
4. no...
5. yeah...
6. damn! or darn!
7. sho*ot!!

Seven Celeb Crushes (whether local or foreign)
1. Brad Pitt!!!!!!!
2. Yao Ming
3. Denzel Washington
4. Tim Heller (from ABC 13 weather... he he)
5. David Carr (Go Texans!!)
6. gosh... i forgot his name... sho*ot! ... the guy from Lost
7. Jericho Rosales

Seven People I want to take this Quiz

... whoever. anybody is welcome.... Have fun!

2005-09-04T00:38:00.000-05:00

I love you, Houston!

**if you're watching/reading the news, you know what i mean...**

I'm not a native of this city. I've been here for only a year and a half (i am actually from the other side of the world...which i still consider home *wink*), but houston has been good to me... in more ways than one, for which i am ever grateful. And now, i just can't help to feel proud for what this great city is doing for its neighbors; And I thank God for making me a part of this generous community.

2005-09-02T09:53:00.000-05:00

..... just wondering if i'm really soooo obssessed w/ this blog. (neocounter stats show 284 page views since i started counting, that would be mid-july). i only know a few people who visit regularly,but there's only 2 of them... or the most, i think would be 3. (Si inna nga lang yata eh.. tnx, girl!... but she only got acquainted w/ my blog last month). Gosh! ganun nga kaya ako kadalas mag-open ng blog ko? ...might be possible, coz i do edit a lot. esp. if i'm posting a new entry (dami munang edit bago ma-post, he he.). But still, i can't imagine how the page hits(from my place) reached that high. Or.... is it possible that my friends, who always say they're not interested in blogging, are stalking my blog? he he he. Ayaw pa kasing umamin ng mga tao eh... kaya pala alam na ginudtime ako nung kambal, eh ala naman akong napagkukwentuhan pa. ha ha ha! Hoy! Mag-leave naman kayo ng comment! kahit panlalait, okay lang! ha ha!

Nature & Man

2005-08-31T00:18:00.000-05:00

**Serious si mika ngayon... cencia na .**

It was sad watching the news today. Cities from our neighboring states were left devastated by 'Katrina' (a level 4 hurricane) last monday night. The worst natural disaster in American history yet. Properties were damaged... families were separated... and lives were lost. As i watch the news, i couldn't help but feel sad for those who are affected. My prayers are with them.

Inspite of the tragedy, it is comforting to see people work together to help others in need. It is inspiring to hear stories of heroism and acts of selflessness in the midst of chaos. It is so heartwarming to see people come together to help heal broken spirits. Man reaching out to man... Such a beautiful tale of man's nature.

But somehow, the tale is distorted in one view. The already ugly picture caused by nature's force is severed by man's other side. It is so depressing to see people fight for some little goods. I mean, the situation is already bad, and instead of making the best out of that bad situation, some people just showed the worst part of human nature.

To quote from Associated Press: " The looting is out of control. The French Quarter (in New Orleans) has been attacked. At a drug store, people were running out with grocery baskets and coolers full of soft drinks, chips and diapers. One looter shot and wounded a fellow looter, who was taken to a hospital and survived."

And as to give reason out of this, one person said, "We're just trying to stay alive".

... Man, this makes me want to cry.

*********

Last year, 4 of my friends went on a road trip. They visited Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama. They stayed most in New Orleans, and Biloxi, (cities that were hardest hit by Katrina) I was also supposed to go on that trip, (i really wanted to go) but I opted not to because I just came from a trip to Sin City, (which left my savings almost drained ... :) I rationalized that these cities are just around the neighborhood, and I could always visit them sometime later. Wrong move. Now, i wish i should have gone... tsk.

2005-08-28T04:22:00.000-05:00

"... And the song from beginning to end, I found in the heart of a friend"-Longfellow

kai,

Wishing you....
answered prayers,
dreams come true,
lots and lots of love,
and a lifetime filled
with quiet moments
of simple joy........

addendum: (i thought i said all my thoughts above... pero me sasabihin pa pala ako, he he)

Aug. 29 is my friend kai's b-day. If you want to greet her, click her name on my blogkada links. (He he... i-plug pa ba? ha h aha! alang pakialaman, blog ko to! ha ha!) She has been a good friend of mine and we shared so many wonderful times together. And most importantly, she was my mentor in blogging (ha ha!). She was the one who introduced me to the world of blogging, and got me hooked into this thing (and now, 'm an addict.., thanks kai, he he). so i thought, it would be nice to save a spot for her in my place... just to say i'm celebrating her birthday too, and how i am thankful for the friendship we share.

Cheers, kai!!!

Dalawa

2005-08-26T06:21:00.000-05:00

It was 1am, and i was expecting my friend Pol, to come over to my pad and drop some important things. (He is the hubby of my close friend T). I haven't seen him in a while, coz he had been staying in Seattle for almost 2 mos now. When he came over, i noticed he gained some weight.

So, the first thing I told him was "hoy, ang taba mo naa!!" He just smiled and said he likes it better there. Then we started chatting about the usual stuffs- family, work, weather, etc. We've been talking for almost 5 minutes, when i heard someone knocking on my door. When i opened it.....i was surprised! There was a man who look exactly the same as the one inside, only a bit slimmer!

Then, the two of them started laughing..... As in LAaUGHIiNG. Darn! I was fooled once again. Of course, they look the same. They're twins! And the first one who got in was not Pol. It was Pit, the other twin, whom i have never met before.

I was really clueless while i was talking to Pit. He answered all my questions correctly! (they might have practiced their prank really well before seeing me... he he) Of course, we ended up having a good laugh about it. ... But i am still the gullible girl. Kainis, asar talo na naman ako! ha ha ha.

"????"

2005-08-24T20:20:00.000-05:00

This is an overdue post. This happened last weekend, and it's not really very interesting. Actually, it's a lot of nonsense (he he); but i feel like writing about it. So read on if you want, but don't blame me if you feel that your time was wasted ...lol.

Last saturday: after work, my friends and i went to godo's for breakfast (a filipino resto). The three of us work from the same department, and if we three go out or eat out together, expect it to be a really long chat. We talked about a lot of things; mostly experiences from our shift the night before. (It's our therapy... ha ha) We talked and talked and talked until it was already 9am (we came there at 7am). We were just planning to leave when a guy came in (pinoy din). My friend T (she's happily married) who has a keen eye for guapitos & cuties suddenly had her radar on, and spotted the guy. She told D & me that the guy is a hunk. Well, for me it was questionnable. He's cute enough, but he's definitely not a hunk. So, we stayed for a while to get a closer view of him. (he he he) As if he sensed it, he went past our table and headed to the restroom. But he was so quick, we weren't able to look at him that much.

Crap, i said. Let's just pay the bill. when we were at the cashier's desk, somebody tapped my shoulder. when i looked back, it was that guy. So, there I was face to face with him (now i could judge better, he he). He smiled to me and said "Musta na?" I was totally at a loss. I didn't have any idea who he was! The expression on my face might be one like "????" Then he said " You don't remember, do you?" I shook my head. What would i say? I really don't! He went on and said "Aileen... does the name ring a bell?" I was still lost.... i have two friends that go by that name, but i can't find his connection w/ any of them. I smiled apologetically and said "sorry, i really can't remember... cencia na." It felt so uncomfortable. He might have felt offended but he didn't show it (male ego... he he), he just shrugged his shoulder and said...'oh well... bye then' and went back to his table.

My friends were giving me looks that say i was a jerk. They told me it was embarrassing... the guy knows me. While i was waiting for the cashier to give me the receipt I squeezed my brain for any memory of him. and Wham! I suddenly remembered. Yes, I've met him before; and the girl he was talking about was one of our friends (not really close, close friend), who work in another hospital. We've met in her birthday party. But that was a long time ago, and we didn't even had a real talk that time, we just exchanged names.... But he remembered me! I felt bad. I had a sudden attack of guilt. I told my friends i now remember, and they gave me looks that kill.

When we walked past his table, i talked to him and told him i was sorry, and that i remember him now. It was another awkward moment. We were both silent for a while (i bet my friends were loving it. those witches, ha ha!) But he was really a nice guy (pinoy eh.. he he). He smiled to me and said it was okay. Well, as i've said it was an awkward moment. We both didn't know what to do, or say. He tried to break the ice and said he was there for breakfast coz he just came from work. (as if i care... lol) Well, .. i was still embarassed, so i just said "oh, have a nice breakfast, we have to go now. pasok pa mamaya", and left.

My friends were all giggling and laughing when we reached the parking area. Asar talo talaga ako! Hayy, naku. Sometimes these memory cells of mine don't work when i need them. Bakit kaya ganun? Napapahiya tuloy ako... ha ha!

My So called life

2005-08-23T03:16:00.000-05:00

I was tagged by Pao & Mei (two beautiful people i've met in the bloggerworld). I am not really comfortable in revealing much about myself, but since i'm already blogging, others get a glimpse of me anyway.

So, here goes the story of my life....

20 Years Ago:

...I was just a kid. Still chasing rainbows and butterflies. Enjoying the life of a child. A golden age in my life, as i recall. I was growing up in a small town in oriental mindoro, and everything was just perfect... Blue sky, lush, lush greens, deep blue sea... a quiet town where everbody knows everyone.

...I was Playing patintero, tubig-tubigan, tug-of-war & taguan with my 2 siblings and cousins; Flying kites w/ my father on summertime; Reading stories w/ mom at night time; playing manikang basahan & luto-lutuan w/ ate on ordinary days, and climbing trees w/ kuya when my parents are not around.

15 Years Ago:

...This was the time when I established a special friendship w/ my two siblings. We three were allies and partners in crime (esp. at home, he he). I no longer play dolls w/ ate.. instead we share journals and slum books. Kuya and I play chess and solve puzzles instead of climbing trees.

... i was in highschool, has a strong connection w/ my highschool friends and was doing crazy things with them.

...I developed having crushes

....I thought I was in love w/ someone

...On another note, 'twas the 'age of darkness' in our family. My father became a union president, and our lives changed in an instant. He was terminated from work, and has to raise chickens & pigs for a living while still fighting for his cause. Several attempts on his life was made but none was successful,(God was on our side) though there was one incident when they almost had him. Threats, harassment, bribery, insults, became ordinary things for us. There are more, much more ugly things that happened in this time of our lives, but i don't wanna go into that. More important is, I was molded to be a better person because of this . I excelled in school (it was a small, provincial school.. he he), and graduated w/ honors. But more than that, i saw so much about life.

10 Years Ago:
...A promdi in manila. I went to the big city for college education and lived w/ my siblings who were also in college. My parents were back in the province and only visit once in a while. Not so accustomed w/ the hustle-bustle of the city, it took a while for me to adjust. I remember i was afraid to go out in the streets alone (ha ha ha!) It was my first taste of independence, and i was faced w/ new sets of problems... But i welcomed the challenge. Later on, i fell in love with the city and learned how to pace with its rhythm.

...Sweet eighteen. Roses, chocolates, stuffed toys, boys... not for me. Instead, my world evolved w/ books & studies. My family was still struggling w/ financial matters, and my father was still fighting for his cause. I took up nursing... for all the wrong reasons. I was struggling on my studies but i have to finish it n 4 years, ( i was studying in PLM, which offers subsidized education for poor but deserving students, but only for a maximum of 5 years) and i can't afford to fail any of my subjects. Pressure was high, but i made it anyway.

...became friends with a few good people I met along the way.

... was a silent believer of soulmates, one true love and happy endings.

5 Years Ago:

...on a career crossroad; was torn between pursuing something i really wanted to do, and doing something i needed to do. I was working in a call center, and was having so much fun. haven't worked as a nurse since the day the license was issued. My parents were not so happy about it, but they respected my decision and supported me anyway; though they bring up the issue of being 'misemployed' from time to time, (but they do it in such a subtle way). I was having a grand time in the corporate world, but at the back of my mind, a lot of what-if questions are playing. But still... i was too afraid to choose, so i procrastinated, and let fate decide for me.

...i met Kai, eugene, & jamie, and shared a beautiful friendship with them.

3 Years Ago:

....A Twist of Fate. I was 25, and i was working as a nurse... for the first time.

I didn't know what got into me, but one day, i just woke up and realized that i've been in-between jobs for the past 5 years of my life. Where ever i work, something always happen, which make me leave my job and look for another. All those years, i've been praying a lot for guidance, but i still seem lost. Then i did the most unusual thing to do... grab the papers and look for a nursing job. (It was wednesday, but there was an ad!)I was lucky, i was hired the first day i went to an interview. It wasn't easy at first. I was so used to the office life, and nursing was just so different. But then... things just fell in the right places for me. After 6mos, i was promoted and became a teamleader. (Imagine that!) More blessings came. I passed the Cgfns, and was offered a job in the US, with a very good immigration package.( all expenses paid for... including examination fees, & airfare w/c are very expensive)
.... i was back to books, books, and books. I spent almost a year & a half taking exams. I was so blessed i was able to pass them all in one take. That was when i knew He planned for me to be in this profession.

...It was also a year of faith. A lot of things seem to be going on, and i felt i was being pulled to a hundred different directions. I was constantly praying... mostly for guidance.

Another Twist of fate...
My father got a settlement for his case. It was such a long battle, and I think the fighters got weary of fighting. It was a long story, and i don't know if everybody was happy about the outcome. But for us, it was such a relief. That means no more threats, no more attempts on my father's life. That was what mattered most.

Last Year:
....a major change of place. I migrated to Houston.
It was the biggest leap i've done in my whole life. The concept of independence was not new to me... but it was the idea of 'total independence' that appealed to me most. I was starting all over again. This time, in a much bigger jungle. It was not easy to get myself situated in a foreign soil. New problems & concerns surfaced... But again, i loved the challenge.

... started working as a neonatal icu nurse in a charity-based hospital owned by nuns.

.... learned how to drive (December last year) and got my first car

.... was sharing an apartment w/ friends

This Year:

.... i moved to my own one-bedroom unit. It's not that much, but i'm on my own. I have total control of everything in my place.

.... I embraced nursing as my profession. Realized i fell in love with our babies at work, and nothing could be more fulfilling than taking care of them.

.... Our hospital is being put on sale. (Ironic... just when i realized i love working w/ babies, things like these happen)

Yesterday:

... was working in nicu, taking care of God's little wonders.

... was wondering what the people in the philippines were doing.

Last Night:

... i drove a friend to a grocery store.

....Thought about things in the past and what would happen in the future.

.... was missing home

Today:

... i have my day off. (i'll find ways to get wasted, maybe call friends... hah ha!) Do errands: laundry, carwash, cook a decent meal, blog.

Tomorrow:

....Attend the hann (houston area association of neonatal nurses) meeting.

Next Year:

....I plan of going home to 'pinas for a visit. hug my parents, talk to my siblings, meet my old friends, play w/ my niece & nephew.

5-10 Years From Now:

Honestly, I don't know. I'm the type of person who don't really expect much in this life. I may be a happy wife & mom...or a happy,single soul. I might still be here, or in some other place... or maybe back in the Philippines. Who knows?

So who's next?

Okay, i'm done w/ my narrative. (ha ha! ) and i'm passing the baton to kai, inna, and trishaa!

2005-08-20T06:32:00.000-05:00

Sheez!! i messed up my blog layout again. all the added stuffs are gone... for good (sob..) even my links are gone!

Untitled

2005-08-16T20:42:00.000-05:00

Note: I suck on giving titles (as well as advices)... these are just random thoughts.

Kung tao lang siguro ang propesyon na Nursing, umiyak na siya.....

Nursing is the most underrated profession, especially back home. It is a very noble profession like teaching and medicine, yet nurses don't seem to receive the same attention people give to doctors, teachers, or policemen.

Nurses work on crazy schedules. They come to work no matter what the situation is... rain or shine, fire or flood, edsa dos or edsa tres. They sacrifice a lot of things, and even put themselves at risk to fulfill their obligation to humanity; and yet, society hasn't placed much concern about their welfare. How many times do we hear the government or even civil orgs talk about nurses' issues? (local employment, salaries, benefits, etc.)... maybe i'm just being deaf, or maybe i'm not reading the papers that much, but as far as i know, these things never happen. Funny, but there are times when nurses are even forgotten on children's list of modern-day heroes.

Or maybe Nursing really lost its appeal as a noble profession... Because society now has a different definition of the word. Because most people today see Nursing as synonymous to US, UK, Dollar, pound, immigration, green card, good life etc. (Don't throw your sarcasm at me... yes, i am working in a foreign country and i admit finances still matter, but it's not the main reason why i came here; and i am not talking about me this time)

I know i don't have the right to question other people's motives. Every person is different, and each has a unique life situation that could influence his perception on certain things. It's just that... I feel a lot of people are missing out on something, and it makes me feel sad. People pay too much attention now on how they would benefit from their career. (Or should i say parents pay too much attention now on how they would benefit from their children's career?) How many people today could see past the glory & glamour of lucrative jobs such as nursing could offer? How many people say there is so much more to Nursing than earning dollars; than driving a nice car; than owning a big house; than travelling the world?

There are deeper reasons, other things that might seem less important but has the power to change a person. It could be a baby's smile, a child's laughter, a hug from a parent, a conversation in the middle of the night, a child's tears, a pat on the hand, a gasp, a handshake. It's every little thing that touches the heart, every experience that nourishes the soul... these are the things that really define Nursing.

How i really wish the masses would feel the same. But as one of my colleagues said: "Michelle, my dear, It's a complicated life. Tell that to a person who has been hardened by poverty & prejudice; A person who has been struggling for years, but still can't seem to move on. Do you think your sweet ideologies could solve his hunger & poverty?"

Yes, I know ... But still....

OP

2005-08-15T18:22:00.000-05:00

yesterday, i got this text msg from a friend: "hey guys, surf shack tonight- after dinner. It was her birthday, and we're having dinner at her place. i didn't really get what she meant by surf shack, but i thought it might be a game, (promise, that's what i thought.. he he) coz the last time we were on her apartment, we played a question & answer game that has a very weird name.

When i got to my friend's place, I was a little surprised to see all my girlfriends on their gimik attires. (tank tops, spaghetti straps, low-low rise pants, cool shoes & matching bling-bling,etc.) I told myself 'mukhang exagg. ang mga tao ngayon, ah..' I was the only one who hasn't eaten, and one of my guyfriends said 'hoy, bilisan mong kumain, at aalis na tayo.' i asked him 'where to?' na medyo confused. and he said "ano ka ba? we're going clubbing tonight, don't ya knoww?"

So, Surf shack is a club, not a game! That explains the girls' attires. Shucks! OP ako...i was not properly dressed. i was only wearing jeans (low waist din naman) and a black polo shirt, which looks more like a 'stroll in d neighborhood' attire. but it's too late to go back home and change; besides i was not really in the mood to dress up... pero, ciempre sama pa rin.

It was a good night. We've had a lot of fun! Except the part when i was driving on the freeway... he he. Two of the guys shared a ride w/ me, and i'm pretty sure they would never dare to carpool with me again... ha ha! It's a long story so, i won't go into details, pero... he he talaga. mukhang aatakehin sa puso yung dalawang barako kong kasama, ha ha! Sorry, guys. I promise, i'd be a better driver. I hope you'd be easy on me; you know i'm still a work in progress (kahit 7 mos. na, ha ha!).

Highlight of the night: A stranger paid my drink.
...And he was a beautiful stranger... (cutie guy he he). looks like he has an eye for pormang jologs, ha ha! Honestly, i didn't know how to react, coz i don't really go out that much. (Tsaka, sa 'pinas, sa mangilan ngilang gimik na nasamahan ko, ala namang estrangherong nanlibre sa kin eh... ha ha!) I said thanks to him, gave him my sweetest smile, and left. I haven't seen him again after that.

The Invitation

2005-08-14T00:03:00.000-05:00

**I thought this is too good to be kept in my files. I am really thankful to the author for this. I have the same thoughts, but he expressed his in such beautiful words... **

The Invitation

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living
Iwant to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your
heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for your lover, for your dream,
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have
been opened by life's betrayals, or have become shrivelled

and closed from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own; without moving to
hide it, or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with
wildness and let ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember
the limitations of being human

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself.
if you can bear the accusation of betrayal nd not betray your own soul;
If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And
if you can source your own life from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine; and still stand
at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon,“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary
and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.
It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the
company you keep in the empty moments.

© Oriah Mountain Dreamer, from the book The Invitation published by
HarperSanFrancisco, 1999

Misunderstood

2005-08-12T01:14:00.000-05:00

***Note: This is a long post, and a very personal one. i was so emotionally charged when i was writing this entry. You may not share the same views w/ me , and you might hate me for it, but i don't care. You might think of me as an arrogant bitch who only thinks of herself...but as i've said, I don't really care. I just want to say what I feel, and what i believe is right. The only thing i ask of u is to look deeply and consider my points before you judge my character.***

Ang pinoy nga naman...

I have a heated argument w/ my relative's friend who is also a Filipino. The guy was a bit older than me, and has been here in the US for quite some time (like, 10 years). I've also known him for quite a while now. He really is a nice guy, (from what i recall), though our meetings were quite few and they were always short.

As far as i could remember, our argument started when we talked about computers, CDs, DVDs, playstations, etc. He mentioned he always give something to his family, and even friends. And i just commented that he is so generous,and added "I am not like that".I probably had that distant look in me when i said the last words, coz he flared up. He looked strangely at me, like he was seeing me for the first time, and babbled his next words in a high-pitched voice.

He asked me how i could say something like that. Madamot daw pala ako, i don't want to give anything even to people who are so close to me. Of course the fighter in me doesn't want to just shut up; so i defended myself.

I explained to him that what i was trying to say is that i just don't give things (material) so easily to my family, because i want them to strive on their own. If they want a computer, or a PSP, or the latest cellfone model, they could have one if they have money to buy. Why do i have to give them those things if they could get one on their own? They are not basic commodities. They're just vanities. Luho. layaw. Sa akin kasi... kung walang pangtutustos sa luho, magsikap at maghintay kung kelan kayang bilhin ang mga bagay na yun. We're all grown ups in the family. I am the youngest child. We're all educated & all of us, including my parents are still working, and earning a living. Why should I bother to give them their vanities? Once in a while i give out expensive things, but i give them as presents to special occasions, like birthdays/anniversaries; but in ordinary situations when they just want something out of the blue, because they want to get along w/ the 'burgis/sosyal' crowd is a big No-No to me.

I bet he discovered an instant hatred for me at that moment. He asked me "Meron ka bang kaibigan?" I really didn't get the connection of that to our topic, but he probably thought of me as a selfish, narcissistic bitch who would end up dying alone. I laughed at it, coz it was totally irrelevant, but he seemed to be serious, so I told him I have a lot. But he didn't seem to believe me.

I explained myself again. As tactful as i can be. I told him it's not that i don't want to help. Of course i do everything i can to help, especially if it's my family .Why does he think i send money to my parents monthly if i don't want to help? But that is a different story. Helping is different from spoiling a person. I told him I am just being careful in showing my love to my family. I care about them so much, I don't want them to 'rot'. Because i've seen how people tend to be lazy, and dependent, and clinging once they know there is someone out there who would give them what they need w/o them even saying it; Because of that i am especially cautious not to be the one who would make my loved ones one of those mentioned above.

He still didn't get me. He looked at me sourly and asked "Do you ever believe in God?" Grrrr... *@!% Man! (How do you ever put sense into this person's head?) At this point, the bitch in me (who very seldom shows up) wanted to tell him NO, just to mock him. But my sensible self was still very much in charge, so i answered in a calm manner, and told him I do. **Grrrr talaga. (And who is he to question my faith and spirituality? He barely know me at all. I, of all people would never be asked like that by people who know me well. ahh, sh*oot. And the phrase was very much out of topic! At this point I can't decide if he's just dumb or he just doesn't want to listen to my ideas because he might see some truth in it.)

He told me that giving is good; that God would give me back ten times more than what i gave. And that i wouldn't be alone in my trying moments. that the people i helped, especially my family would be beside me if that happens. And i told him I couldn't agree more. He is so right about that. But i added that when i give, I don't expect something in return, not even from my family. Because if that is the reason why you are giving, you do not really know the essence of giving. I give for the sole purpose of giving... Of helping. Because somebody needs it. And once i give, it's done...forgotten. No big fuss about it, though a little thank you is appreciated much. And i added that when i help, i make sure the person i am helping really needs my help (to go back to the real issue), because if he doesn't, i'm just making him weak.

His cellfone rang, and he answered it for a while. Then he shook his head and said to me "Nagbago ka na, kasi marami ka nang pera." Grrrrrrrr!!!! Kung ganito kausap mo, matutuyuan ka talaga ng dugo!$@!* What the hell is he talking about? Had he met me 8 years ago, i would have told him the same things!...Then he said he has to go, and left.

haayy, naku!!! Ewan ko. Mahirap bang intindihin ang point ko? Alam ko, iba iba tayo ng paniniwala. Pero sana, h'wag maging makitid ang utak ng ibang tao sa paninndigan ng iba. Naisip ko tuloy, kaya patuloy na naghihirap ang Pilipinas, kasi marami pa ring taong hindi malawak ang pang-unawa. Marami pa rin ang ayaw kumawala sa tradisyonal na paniniwala, at ni minsan hindi nag-iisip kung mas nakakabuti ba ang kanilang ginagawa o mas nakakasama.

Sana lang, hindi nya ako pi-nersonal. For me, it was an intelligent conversation. I proved my points well, although sa kanya, wala akong nakuha. Pero mukhang ibang tao na ang tingin nya sa akin ngayon. Isa nang masamang tao.... just because i said things he didn't want to hear. Too bad he's a very close friend of my relative, who happens to think the same way he does.

Neo

2005-08-10T23:48:00.000-05:00

Life is hard. And for people like me who work in neonatal ICU, life is even harder. We have countless stories to tell... Stories about life and death. Stories that speak of struggles and survival. Stories of hope; of never-ending faith and optimism. And sometimes... of grief and pain.

We have to be tough, for others to be strong. People often think we are cold individuals. That we don't feel their pain, that we don't suffer the same. But we do. It's just hard sometimes for people to realize that, especially if they're so consumed w/ their own pain... or loss. But we care a lot. More than they know.

* * * * * * * *

Some time ago, I was browsing the pages of a book when i saw this poem. It hit me right through the heart. I was still in college then, and i didn't have any idea that i would be working w/ very sick babies. After 8 years, i still have the book, and i rediscovered the poem. It still have the same effect on me....this time, a bit more intense.

But Souvenirs

Daughters may die - but why?
For even daughters can't live w/ half a heart.

three days isn't much of a life
but long enough to remember
thin blue lips
uneven gasps in incubators
wracking breaths that caused pain to those who watched
long enough to remember

I never held her, felt her softness
Counted her toes
knew the color of her eyes.
long enough to remember
Death paled hands not quite covered
By the gown she was to go home in;
Moist earthy smells, one small casket, and the tears.

I hold in my hand but souvenirs of an occasion:
A sheet of paper filled w/ statistics
A certificate w/ smudged footprints
A tiny bracelet named "Girl Smith".

You say that you're sorry, that you know how I feel,
But you can't know because I don't feel - not yet.

by carol Nessiage wilkes (1972) American Journal of Nursing
taken from Adele pilliteri's Maternal Newborn Nursing 3rd edition

***I told myself I would never post anything work-related here; But i just can't help myself. My work is so much a part of what i am. I don't have plans of keeping this post for a long time though. I plan of deleting it some time later. but for now... i'll keep it here.***

2005-08-08T09:02:00.000-05:00

work, work, work!

I've been working for 2 days err.... nights actually; (i'm doing 12-hour night shifts) and i'm supposed to be off today, but i've been asked to come back and work an extra shift. I really said 'no' at first coz I'm feeling a bit tired and i have some errands to do. Besides, i'd also be working on the next 2 nights; so i would be doing 5 nights in a row if i'd be back tonight. But ms. PW (my charge) talked some sense into me and finally convinced me to work tonight.

.... and i still have to work for 2 more nights.

Actually, nakakapagod din talaga. Especially if you're doing night shifts. Iba pa rin kasi ang tulog ng gabi eh. Imagine from 630pm -630am ang work... 5 consecutive nights... whew!

And guess what?... all my scrubs are soiled! and right now, instead of going to bed and get that much needed sleep, i'm doing the laundry!!!!

Hirap talaga magtrabaho. Pero.....

....mas mahirap pa rin ang walang trabaho.

Little Wing

2005-08-06T05:22:00.000-05:00

Now she's walking thru the clouds
With a circus mind
That's running wild
Butterflies and zebras
And moonbeams and fairytales
All she ever thinks about is riding with the wind
When I'm sad she comes to me
With a thousand smiles
She gives to me free
It's alright it's alright she says
Take anything you want from me
Anything

Fly little wing

- The Corrs/live in Dublin

My father is quite upset. Gwen, my 2-year old niece was brought to Bicol by my brother-in-law and would be staying there for 2 months. My sister and her family had been staying in our home (in the province) for more than a year now; and my parents have been very attached to gwen, especially my dad.

My parents were having an 'empty nest' syndrome before my sister decided to relocate back in the province. All of us three kids have been staying in the metro since we went to college, and nobody has ever came back to settle there. (me, for some good reasons) Then my sister thought it was time to go home, and brought her family w/ her.

Things were not easy at first, but they soon learned how to co-exist w/ each other. Gwen became the center of my parents' attention. My parents really light up when they talk about her. Who wouldn't? she is such a sweet girl. She loves to give lots of hug & kisses, and tell stories about fairies & angels. She runs around the house and fill it w/ her laughter.

My dad is usually short-tempered, but he easily softens w/ gwen. Gwen just know how to make my dad smile. She has a habit of putting her hand in his hand and tell him "papa, galit ka po?" Then she'd smile at him and say "papa, wag ka na galit. gusto mo hilot?".

I called home today, and found out that Gwen is already in Bicol. My parents are sad. The little wing has flown.... I pray for her to be back soon.

Threats

2005-08-04T17:30:00.000-05:00

okay, so much for rantings and sentiments. I haven't posted anything for days, and i missed writing here. I realized the last post was a little too melancholic (?)... i don't know if that's the right word, but i felt sad when i've read it again; But I've had my moment of silence, so I should be okay now.

***********************************************************************************

Blogging has crept into my life like a disease. It's now all over me, and i am heavily infected by it...to the point of delirium, or even dementia. I am in my computer most of the time because i'm blogging, or bloghopping. When i'm w/ my friends, all i talk about is blogging.

And I think my friends, who, (mind you, all of them) do not have a clue what a blog is (thanks to me... I sent all of them an e-mail w/ my blog's url on it, after a short message of "Hi, We don't see each other that much anymore. i'm just keeping in touch. Want to share you my blog. please click the link... " he he) are now being fed up and irritated by my addiction to this thing.

Some of them are starting to threaten me now. Just 2 days ago, a male friend asked me if i want to have dinner w/ them in one of our friends' house. And as a blogger, blogging must come first, so i told him i need to think about it first, coz i still have some 'blogworks' to do. Irritated, he replied: "Ikaw, ha! Mukha ka ng blog! Blog ka ng blog! Blog-in (pronounced as bolagin) ko yang mata mo eh!" Of course I love blogging, but I have to put it aside this time. i love my sight more. I immediately said "yes, oo naman, sama ako".

Just earlier today, a friend asked me a favor if i could go around the neighborhood and look for a shop where she could have her photo taken because she needs to have her passport renewed. I told her that if i could find an extra time, i would do just that. She then asked me why i still need an extra time; and reminded me that i have 4 days off from work. (yes, friends could be demanding sometimes! he he..) I told her that i have to fix my blog. She then flared up and threatened me like this: "Blog! puro na lang blog! Wag na wag akong makapunta dyan sa bahay mo, ha! At wag mong ipakita ang lap top mo... kung hindi... i-ba-blag ko talaga yan! Ka-blag ang labas nyan!" Gosh, what could i say? I paid a lot for this thing, mahirap na. I said yes.

Fifteen minutes ago, while i am writing this post, another friend called, asking me if i want to go clubbing w/ them tonight. She said it would be fun, and that guys would be covering for the girls' drinks. I thanked her so much for thinking about me, and told her that it looks like it's gonna be fun, but I have other things in mind. She might be sensing what i'm up to, and told me this: "Mag-ba-blog ka lang din naman eh. Ano ka ba? Puro ka na lang blog!" I replied that i haven't posted for days (i don't think she got my concern coz she doesn't blog...) and that i really need to post for my blog. Exasperated, she told me: "ano ba? Blog forever? Pa'no ang social life mo? Bahala ka," Pa'no ka makaka-meet ng ibang guys?!!! Magiging matandang dalaga ka nyang ginagawa mo. sige ka!!!!

I'm still new in this blog thing, and i'm enjoying every moment of it; but it seems like i have to cut down my addiction to it. Mahirap na. Ayokong 'mabolag' or mawalan ng lap top.

**I still don't know where i stand about the 'matandang dalaga' issue.( That's why i haven't called her yet to say if i'm coming or not). But that's another thing that needs to be discussed more. Maybe later, i would have an answer to that. he he**

*** To Jb, Tess, and Ma-an... hey guys! if ever you read this post, don't be offended. This is supposed to be a joke.... He he. Luv you guys, peace tayo ha! I just hope i don't suck too much in writing that you would look where the humour in the story has gone. Don't tell me those words... Ill strangle you! and that's not a threat! he he.***

Solitude

2005-08-01T07:51:00.000-05:00

"And it came to me then. That we were wonderful traveling companions, but in the end no more than lonely lumps of metal on their own separate orbits. From far off they look like beautiful shooting stars, but in reality they're nothing more than prisons, where each of us is locked up alone, going nowhere. When the orbits of these two satellites of ours happen to cross paths, we could be together. Maybe even open our hearts to each other. But that was only for the briefest moment. In the next instant we'd be in absolute solitude. Until we burned up and became nothing." Haruki Murakami/ Sputnik Sweetheart

*** can't think of something to say now. everything just seem so... useless. i feel so detached; empty... to the point of being numb... ***

**P.S. ** I know this post sucks. I'm ranting. But i need to vent... And this is the only way i could.

post, post & post

2005-07-31T07:02:00.000-05:00

last night, I felt i have so much time w/ so little to do, (or nothing interesting to do... actually ,there's a lot to be done, but i opted to procrastinate); So as usual, i surfed the net again for some interesting stuffs, but somehow didn't find one.

Then blogclub caught my eye. 'hmm' i told myself, 'Maybe i should play w/ it for a while'. I visited the forum, (well, i've been there once, but i didn't know how to use it yet, kai has to give me an online lecture first before i was able to post my first comment, he he... i'm such a dummy in blogging) and alas... I was hooked! Didn't realize i spent most of my time there. I've had fun reading the posts. The topics are interesting, and i think the people are quite interesting too (though i never got to talk to anyone of them). But i really had fun. Actually, because i've had so much fun, i posted a lot of comments... he he.

**So, if you are visiting this site because you wanna know who the hell is 'mika' who posted a lot of nonsense there... Relax. I'm just you're ordinary blogger girl who at times (err.. should i say most of the time?) couldn't control her impulse to share what's in her mind, even if nobody cares. **

Ode to My Stupidity

2005-07-28T08:58:00.000-05:00

Last week it was my arm, now it's my hand. I've got a wound again. Reason? plain stupidity! Katangahan ni mika. while I was surfing the net, i reached out to grab my coffee, luckily, my hand hit the sharp edge of the table. ouch. Nalapnos lang naman ng konti ang balat ko! (nasa Contact Isolation pa naman ang hawak kong mga bata... shoot!) Well, I'm still thankful, at least hindi natapon coffeee sa lap top, kung hindi eh di hindi na makaka-blog... di ba? he he.

Ewan ko ba, but lately I noticed maraming kamalasang nangyayari sa kin. I mean, they're not really big things, but it's kinda irritating anyway. At minsan, tuloy tuloy lang ang kamalasan sa loob ng isang araw. Minsan, akala ko, tapos na, I've had enough for the day... pero hindi pa pala. Buong linggo pala ang katangahan... err, kamalasan. Here's the proof.

Setting: my place. Sometime last week . (can't remember right if it started on tuesday. ah, Whatever.) but here it goes: (chronological yan as far as i could remember)

1. 5:oopm. Alarm didn't beep... he he, puede ba yun? I had probably shut it off while it was ringing and forgot to reset it. I'm still lucky, I woke up @ 5:20, but I have to rush... eh.. ang bagal ko pa namang kumilos.

2. ... Felt really starved. As in gutom na gutom Good thing,I have menudo in the fridge.! so, excited na inilabas ang pinggan at kubyertos. Onlyto find out na wala pala akong kanin!!! Okay, fine... settled for boxed dinners.

3. Nung magbibihis na, I just remembered that my scrubs are not ironed!! Geez, nagmamadali akong namlantsa. I only have 15 minutes para hindi ma-late.

4. The fone rang... picked up the fone after 5 sec of hesitation. only to find out it was a wrong number! At makulit pa ang nasa kabilang linya. Damn! Sinagot ko pa kasi!

5. Nagmamadaling lumabas, but...something's missing. Ang susi ng kotse! Frantic search began. Lahat ng puedeng paglagyan, tiningnan, pero ala pa rin. Okay, meron nga palang duplicate key.

5. I Finally got to the car. Pero, teka... bukas ang ilaw. Damn it! I left the lights on again! And it's been 8 hours since I left it. ..nervously got inside. Then lo & behold, the car key is there! At umaandar pa ang makina! Oh my gosh! Stupid, stupid me!!!!

6. Miraculously reached workplace, (yes, umandar din naman ang kotse. thank God) but... had a really bad night at work... 'nuff said.

7. At breaktime, found out that cellfone was left at home. Darn.

8. While leaving work, found out that purse was also left at home. Darn talaga! .

**Wala ang aking lisensya sa pagmamaneho, Wala akong dalang pera ni singko, walang credit card, at wala ring cellfone. Pa'no kung me mangyari? Hindi pa ako magaling na driver. 6 months pa lang akong nagda-drive, at medyo mahina pa ang loob ko. Ano ba to? **

10. After 3 days, got an insect bite. Called in sick, and went to the doctor.

** Ironic. I've felt much sicker before and I haven't called in sick @ work... even in 'pinas. Tapos, ngayon, kagat lang ng kung ano man yun... absent ako, & magbabayad pa insurance ng pa-chck-up! **

11. After 2 days, was driving again. In the middle of the road, car beeped. Fuel is empty. Ran to the nearest gasoline station. Found out purse was left at home ... again!! Ala uling ID, licensia o kung ano man. Ang isang credit card na laging nasa kotse, hindi makita. Ano pambayad ko? Haay, ang buhay nga naman!

** Luckily, I found a 20$ bill in my car which i used to pay for the gas. Then, I drove home carefully. As in, no overspeeding, no overtakes (kahit 20 miles lang ang takbo ng nasa harapan)... hirap na anoh! **

Well, I'll stop here... Ang haba na netong post eh.... He he... I love sharing my life stories talaga. buti na lang me blog!

Thoughts on Bloghopping

2005-07-26T13:57:00.000-05:00

Confession: These past few days, i spent most of my time viewing other people's blogs (he he, beware of the lurker). Well, i think we all have these moments. There are just times when we want to get out of our shell for a while, and wonder what others out there are doing, or thinking.... or.... feeling. And for the ever 'curious' people like me, bloghopping served its purpose.

Actually, it did more than satisfy my curiosity. It might be a bit exaggerated, but the experience brought a serendipitous moment for me. It's like watching life's different faces unfold in each url i clicked (naks..). In my journey, I've come across a lot of different personalities. There are the smart & intellectual people, the funny & witty ones, the hopeless romantics, the broken hearted, the politically inclined, the skeptics, the ever hopeful, the weirdos, the poets, the sacred, the profane.

A blog opens a new realm to others, and sometimes, a restless soul like me finds comfort in one of those realms. Sometimes the author captures something in me... be it similar life experiences, same points of view, same dreams, same vanities, same heartaches, or anything that represents my own little world, even in the slightest way.... which gives me the feeling that i am not alone.

Of course, in my journey to other people's blogs, I also stumble upon someone so different from me. Sometimes, i am confronted w/ a new set of value belief system; of a whole new take on things; of much different philosophies; of never been heard stories; of things i somehow wished I never knew. But still, I am thankful for the encounter. Because this is where learning really transpires. I am once again reminded that every being is a unique individual, and that thing we call life could take a million different turn.

But for me, the beauty in all of it is the rediscovery of that element called authenticity. Yes, bloggers are natural people. they're not manufactured. they have their own stories to tell. they speak their own minds. bare their own soul. Well, don't ridicule me. I know it's common knowledge that blogging is a form of an online journal (which makes it original), but still, i give KUDOS! to all the (authentic) bloggers out there for putting their thoughts into words. They make a difference in this copycat world... and make bloghopping a whole lot of fun.

2005-07-23T05:52:00.000-05:00

my left arm hurts! i was bitten by an insect last night. (i'm not sure what kind, but i saw it was bigger than a mosquito. Unfortunately, I didn't catch it... swerteng insekto yun... kung nagkataon, nakuu!!) My poor arm is so swollen and red. It feels heavy too. The skin is tight because of the swelling, that's why it hurts so much to bend... or even stretch. Well, one could imagine me now grimacing while hitting the keyboards, but still... i feel the need to blog.

Earlier, I have a lot of things in mind, but i got distracted by fixing the layout of this blog. I've had trouble placing the neoboard user stats here, and i got into a panic state. Who wouldn't? The layout was such a mess, and I (w/ Kai's help who, by the way is in Thailand), just spent almost the whole day yesterday putting some cool stuffs into it to make it look good... And because I'm a neo blogger, and a tech dummy too, it took me 3 hours to fix it! Imagine, 3 hours!

My arm really hurts now. I'm a little worried about it. I think the hydrocort. cream I used is not helping. It's getting more edematous everytime I look at it. I wonder if I could still manage to work tonight.

I wish my mom's here... or anyone... just somebody who'd take care of me, even for just a day.

2005-07-20T11:16:00.000-05:00

i think i'm obssessed w/..... myself. i love myself and i love to talk about me. So here i am again, doing another post for myself. Well, who cares? After all, this blog is for me. this is my life, and i wanna share it w/ me. (makes sense... ha ha!)

my friend gave me copies of our pics when we painted her new apartment. i never thought it would be that easy. it was more fun than it was tedious. and we really had a goodtime afterwards. we played w/ the camera & tried some crazy poses (which i won't be posting here... he he). instead, i'd be posting my new pics. ha ha! talk 'bout being obssessed w/ one's self.

2005-07-20T10:58:00.000-05:00

honestly... i didn't help much. just munched chips and drank soda most of the time. my famous line: 'rest muna. i need somthing to drink.' or... yela, where's the chips? he he...

2005-07-20T10:17:00.000-05:00

Girl Power, Woman power... whatever you call it.
We can do tough jobs too. Even if we dont' look so tough.

2005-07-20T10:05:00.000-05:00

The Painters in their Astig pose:
Dais- wallpainter, silent worker
mika- liner, wallpainter, tawa girl, tiga-kain
ma-an- wall painter, tulog girl, tiga-kain #2
yela - liner, wall painter, master planner ... (eh sa kanya yung bahay eh!)

2005-07-20T10:03:00.000-05:00

D' Movers. who would think these are yela's movers? he he...

it's all about ME

2005-07-17T18:29:00.000-05:00

three things i like about Me:

1. my smile - 'nakakaloko' raw. whatever that means.
2. my color - brown skinned. proud to be pinoy.
3. my accent- he he... at least i have a way to get people to be attentive.

three things i hate about me:

1. my pimples - i hope they'd be gone foreverr!
2. my height - if only i've grown much taller.
3. ..... couldn't think of another thing to say (see? i love myself. ha ha!)

three things i look forward to everyday:

1. going home from work
2. going home to pinas - whenever that would be
3. payday friday - he he... dates are highlighted 'til d end of the year

three things that would be happening soon:

1. out of town trip in August (long drive to San antonio, etc.)
2. disneyworld adventure in October
3. new york escapade in november (hope matuloy!)

three things i'm addicted to:

1. blogs
2. music
3. caffeine (either coke or coffee)

three things i can't live without

1. my lap top - almost married to it.
2. my car- best thing that happened in 2004.
3. my cellfone - my tracking device ... he he.

three Fs i miss most:

1. family
2. friends
3. familiar faces

three things i learned recently:

1. there is still no place like home.
2. we are all basically the same. we live. we love. we struggle. we die.
3.

In Memoriam

2005-07-15T03:43:00.000-05:00

'Tia Dais'... Saying her name brings me down to memory lane. I have known her since i was born. she was my closest aunt. We shared a lot of experiences together... laughters, tears, success, disappointments. almost eveything that happened to me was witnessed by her. She was like a parent to me. She was there since the day I entered kindergarten. She was still single then. I could still remember she was also very concerned on how i would behave in class,(like my parents). we live in the same compound, and their house is just almost 5 steps away from ours.

Like the traditional filipino family, after school and after work, adults and children get together to talk about everyone's day. Well, adults usually do the talking. We little ones just do our own stuff and play nearby, but are welcome to comment and join the conversation anytime. . Maybe that's the reason why she is very much a part of me. She knows who my classmates are, who the heartthrob @ school is, the hardest assignment, the jerks & the nerds, the newest loveteams in our class. And that family habit went on until I left home and went to College.

But even during college and after it, she continued to be an active part of my life. She was my beloved aunt. A confidant. A friend. Someone who was always there on the highs & lows of my life. She touched my life in more ways than one. She was a very smart person. Highly intelligent. (i'm not alone in this opinion- a lot of people too, think she was). But what i liked most about her was her approach to life. She always look at the brighter side of life. Inspite of a bad situation, she could still manage to smile and inspire other people.

She was such a strong woman, and I learned a lot from her. I remember one day, i've had a rough day at work, & i went home not feeling really good (I was being a bitch @ home). She had her chemotherapy session that day too. She was vomiting, and I could really tell she wasn't feeling good. She has dark circles under her eyes. But she got up and prepared dinner for me. And she asked me gently how my day was. I was touched. That was so selfless. How could she think of me first while she herself is very much in pain?

She was not very lucky in love though. She got married when I was still young. I couldn't remember how old I was then. But that was the worst thing that ever happened to her. Worse than her having a breast cancer. (mik was the product of that marriage though and he is such a great person and I love him so much, but that's a different story) I don't know if she felt that way too, but that's the way i see things from my perspective. Her marriage w/ that man was short-lived. And their life together was full of drama... and chaos. Good thing they separated early (mik, if you ever read this, forgive me... i'm just being myself).

Cancer was also her one worse enemy. But it was a cheater. and a very persistent one. It left for a while, and we thought things will going to be fine. But after 7 years, it came back fully armed, more ruthless than before.

But i think cancer has never really beaten her. she died of it but it never got through her. it dit not break her spirit. Never.

I have tears in my eyes now. It's just heartbreaking to think that she is no longer here. Yes, i'm so far away from home, and even if she's still alive we won't see much of each other anymore. But it's people like her who make my existence worth living for. Thoughts of them are enough to make me smile and move on amidst the pressures of daily life. The mere of thought of their presence sustains me. Now, i lost one reason to look forward for tomorrow. There is no 'tia dais' anymore.

I guess I would be talking to her on the clouds now, rather than on the phone. She might hear me better there.

Oouch!

2005-07-15T00:34:00.000-05:00

while i was writing a post for this blog, i got really sleepy, so i decided a cup of coffee would be nice. But i was so damn unlucky. first, i had trouble finding my filters. It took me at least 10 minutes just looking for them. then, i accidentally switched on the coffeemaker without pouring water in the chamber yet. when i finally realized this, the coffeemaker was already hot... and, (stupid me) i absent-mindedly held/touched the base of the container, which was really HOT! now my right hand is burnt, and it's hurting really bad.

i'm blaming it on the weather again. Ulan kasi ng ulan eh... nakakatamad tuloy gumalaw, ala ako sa sarili!

Ala lang.. random thoughts again

2005-07-14T22:58:00.000-05:00

i feel lazy today. i feel tired for no reason,(man, i've been off for 4 days, and i'm still tired!) and a little depressed too. maybe SAD (seasonal affective disorder) is working its way on me. it's been raining for days now and i'm not happy about it, i always hated the rain (except when i was in college and classes are suspended... he he).

well, since i'm already here, i might as well do as much as i can. i noticed i'm not a very responsible blogger. i don't write that much. blame it on the weather... ha ha! or maybe because... ala lang. sometimes i don't feel like it. and i'm not compelled to update my blog regularly, coz i write for my own sake. i mean, i write what i want and when i want to. writing is an outlet for me, not an obligation. a way of liberating myself. well... i write when i strongly feel something about an issue. it's just that... most of the time, there's always something else that needs to be done first. While i was writing the last sentence, 'tia dais' came in mind. if she's still here, she won't be happy to hear this. she always tell me to cultivate my 'talents'. (he he... as if i have a talent in writing... ha ha!) Bless her soul. I really miss her.

dark skies and rainbows

2005-07-12T22:30:00.000-05:00

it was a scary drive. I went to st. joe's to meet the bosses for my annual evaluation and on my way home, it rained hard.

it was really dark. Rain was pounding heavily on my car. the wind was blowing strong, and lightning strikes like every 5 minutes... and I was driving on the freeway! (i am not used to- i seldom take the freeway route). i could barely see the road. i was driving @ only 15-20 miles per hour, and others were doing the same.

i'm not usually scared of storms , but this time, i was. i started praying, and i felt like crying. honestly, i did cry. i thought of calling somebody... anyone. just someone i could talk to and say i'm scared. but there was nobody to call. my friends are working, and making a long distance call to my family seem too complicated to do at this time. in the end, i was the one who comforted myself. how pathetic! me comforting me. gives me reason to hate rainy days even more.

i finally got home. I Paused for a while and offered my thanks to God for bringing me home safely. Still shaken, i peeped through the window and saw that the sky is already clear. i walked to the patio to get a closer look. and can you believe it? the sun is out, and there's a double rainbow! the view was breathtaking, i stood there for a moment, mesmerized.

I was awed. only a few minutes ago, i was in a very different scenario. And now, i am being filled in by overwhelming sense of peace and hope.

Maybe there's more to rainy days than what i thought.

***taken from my rainy days & sundays blog***

blogging late

2005-06-28T10:13:00.000-05:00

hi. it's late, but i'm still here, trying to make this thing work. I still can't figure out how i could make this blog look better. i couldn't seem to do what i want to create here. my friends tell me to just make a new blog from another site; but i don't wanna do that- not yet. this is my first blog, and i'm not giving up on it!(unless, i really could do no more, ha ha ha). anyway, it's really late. It's already 10am (don't raise your eyebrows, i'm working nightshift, okay?). I haven'nt slept yet, and i have to work tonight. hayy... i really wish i know more about computers, para naman mapaganda ko looks ng blog ko. Unfortunately, i am not a very creative person; (i couldn't even draw a straight line) I'm not very techno-oriented either, medyo me katangahan ako when it comes to those things.( i'm a nurse for God's sake.. what would you expect?), So, as much as i want to stay here and do some changes on the settings and backgrounds or come up w/ some good pa-epeks, i have to leave & get some sleep. ho huumm antok na ko... k, got to sleep now. ' need to rest and be prepared for work too. have to work and earn a lot, especially @ times like this... you know why.

thinkers anonymous?

2005-06-27T03:40:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking about a lot of things lately, and i'm beginning to worry about it. I read an article about a guy who thought too much, and he was at the point of losing not only his mind, but also his family, his friends, his job, and almost everything he cares about; until he came across with 'thinkers anonymous'. this helped him a lot, and he stopped thinking about a lot of things that bug him. he stopped thinking about issues that affect him deeply, and just tried to move on w/ his life- not bothering too much about thinking what will happen tomorrow; nor pondering his thoughts about things that concern the society at large, and not even reading materials that evoke deep thoughts about the lifelong mysteries in this planet... and it helped. he said he is now cured.

It was not a bad story, though I'm not sure if it's true. I don't even know if there really is such thing as 'thinkers anonymous'. I just wish I could do what the guy in the story did... to stop thinking too much.

I'm just wondering how you could stop all the ideas in your head. It's like not breathing at all if that happens. Honestly, I love to think. I like to think about ideas and situations, and have my own opinion about certain things. It's like having an intimate affair w/ your mind and a strong connection w/ your inner self ... It's just that, sometimes, those thoughts bother me a lot. and i find more questions than answers... then i would start thinking again, and the process never ends.

mika... up close and personal

2005-06-20T08:21:00.000-05:00

this is how i smile... hmm... not really. this is one my rare smiles. most of my pictures show my teeth when i smile, and that is my signature smile. 'yung para bang tawang tawa'. ha ha! my friends always tell me that line when they see my pictures. Well, I don't care!

a little dose of fun

2005-06-20T07:51:00.000-05:00

drinking spree w/ my wacky friends... i'm at the center, w/ the pink tee. These are my very good friends. We're just trying to chill out a little. They said I look like I was 'boozed' in this pic., (if one would look closer @ my eyes) and I didn't even finish a bottle of bacardi!

scattered thoughts

2005-06-20T06:14:00.000-05:00

couldn't sleep. i can't understand myself. i feel too tired, yet, i still couldn't sleep. am i an insomniac or i'm just stressed? .... probably the latter. i seem to be thinking a lot about my life here. well, i have reasons to be. here are some of them:

the hospital where I'm working at, is for sale....

my brother ran away from home...

my aunt who was very close to me passed away because of breast cancer....

i miss my family back home...

i'm falling in love with a jerk who doesn't love me back. (damn him, and damn me too.)

i really want to elaborate about each topic, but i'm just not in the mood to talk about them at this time. ...maybe i'll just go to bed now and try to sleep again. i have very little energy, that even organizing my thoughts make me feel so tired.

2005-05-22T03:12:00.000-05:00

i got home from work earlier this morning, not really feeling very well, coz one of my co-workers had told me a bad news. it made me really upset last night when I was still @ work, and I was still thinking about it till this morning. She told me that our department was not making any revenue at all & is not contributing to the company profitwise, so management is thinking of closing it down.

It made me feel scared, coz here I am, thousands of miles away from home, sailing on stormy waters alone. I worried about how I could pay my bills, my rent, my brand new car which I just had 4 mos ago, and how i could send enough money back home. I find it hard for me, coz i am an immigrant, and still new to this country. though i've been here for a year and 3 mos now, I'm still not very accustomed to the ways of living here.

but I think the thing that worried me most was the fact that I need to go looking for a new job. I don't know, the thought just made my head ached so much I went to bed without eating breakfast (or dinner prob., coz I'm working night shift). I thought of updating my resume', (which I haven't done since I came here), of studying, ( gosh! i need to read volumes of textbooks again- which I hate so much coz i usually fall asleep while doing it), of taking the entrance tests in the hospitals, of learning to speak english better, of getting in touch with my innerself again (you know how interviewers ask applicants the same old stuffs about telling something about themselves), and worse, i would be driving from hospital to hospital, and the thing is.... I'm not a very good driver. I'm not very good in getting and following directions that much. Actually, I don't even know how to read a map! I'm trying to learn though, but i think it just isn't my cup of tea.

these were the thoughts playing in my head before I dozed off.

then, the fone rang. I looked @ my watch, and realized I've only been asleep for 2 hours, who the hell is calling me? and I saw it was my co-worker whose hobby is swapping her sked w/ somebody else's in our unit. I rejected the call and turned my fone off. I'll deal w. her later.